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Thursday, April 28, 2011

How To Tell That Your Daily Newspaper Is In Trouble

  • The news doesn’t start until the third page. Ads come first.

  • The editorial page is printed in Sanskrit.

  • The cooking editor tries to do recipes of McDonald’s cheeseburgers.

  • Some wise guy in the HR department fired all of the sportswriters. The football game was covered by the women’s editor in a nice frilly skirt with sequins and tassles.

  • The theater critic couldn’t find her seat and then got locked in the bathroom for the second act. She found it the next day still attached to the chair.

  • Some wise guy set all of the type of the Sunday edition backwards. Inventive news hawks sold mirrors with every copy.

  • The dates for the horoscopes were switched. One thousand Aquarians in January tried to have fun in the city swimming pool.

  • Somebody misnumbered the pages and page thirteen was missing which had the lottery results. The switchboard was jammed for six hours. Nobody won that day.

  • Somebody spelled the President’s name, Barrack O’Bama in honor of St. Patrick’s day.

  • The food chef column printed the recipe incorrectly printing "hamster" instead of "ham steak". Hospitals across the city were jammed with sick dining readers for two days.


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