How to stand up to a rude co-worker

Alina Dizik, Special to CareerBuilder

Unfortunately rude co-workers are more common than you think. Disrespectful, bad-mannered co-workers exist at virtually every workplace and communicating with them can put a major damper on your day. As you deal with the problem, it's important to not take their behaviour close to heart, say experts. "They're rude because of something that's going on with them. Don't take their behaviour personally," says Scott Eblin, author of "The Next Level: What Insiders Know About Executive Success."

Not sure how to handle this common workplace pet peeve? Here's what to do when faced with rude behaviour from your co-workers:

Be objective
Before you start pointing out all of your rude co-workers, make sure you're not the one overreacting, suggests Martha Newman, an executive coach and former business litigator. Be truthful with yourself about what's really bothering you and look at it from the perspective of both parties. "A thorough self-examination will determine if your agitation is really the result of a difficult person's actions or your own sensitivities."

Consult a friend
Whether it's a colleague you can trust or a friend outside of work, getting a second opinion about a rude co-worker may help you put thoughts in perspective. Ask the friend to help you and "start brainstorming ways to address the situation," Newman suggests. "Unlike you, they won't be feeling anger, pain, or humiliation, and will be able to give you sound, objective advice." No matter what you decide, wait for one or two days before carrying out your plan to prevent any hot-tempered words.

Kill them with kindness
Once you've pinpointed the problem, it can pay to try the nice route first. Even though it can take a lot to be nice to someone who is rude, this can easily pave the way to a more collegial relationship. "When they're rude to you, be polite to them. Your behavior may influence theirs in a positive way," says Eblin.

Don't blame them
If the situation persists, approaching your co-worker can be a good idea. Simply tell them how his or her behaviour makes you feel rather than pointing out their mistakes or telling them what he or she has done wrong, Newman says. "It's important to avoid the blame game and seek ways to avoid a repetition of the undesirable behaviour," she says. Having a few specific examples in mind can help your co-worker understand where you're coming from during the discussion.

Be assertive
Once you're sure that the behaviour for a specific co-worker is unacceptable, it's important to stand-up to the person. Acknowledge the problem in an assertive manner without insulting them and to deal with it as soon as possible -- there's no need to wait until the situation gets truly unbearable. "When not nipped in the bud, rude co-workers can treat your silence as lack of assertiveness and authority. This can result in the rude behaviour perpetuating and escalating in severity," explains Celestine Chua, a life coach at the Personal Excellence Blog.

Come to a specific conclusion
Make sure your conversation ends with specific ways to end their unwanted behavior. Suggest changes or methods that can improve your relationship instead of simply pointing out their rude behaviour. Come away with several ways you can improve the working environment and stick to the game plan.

Take it up with a higher manager
If the problem persists and is a constant distraction at work, going to human resources representative or a manager can help you deal with the co-worker by documenting his or her behaviour. Be as truthful and easygoing as possible when speaking to HR or a supervisor. Prepare a strong case and share it in a positive manner without getting too negative or defensive. "Always choose composure over emotionalism," Newman says.

Copyright 2011 CareerBuilder.com.