Halakhak Tayo

PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo? JUAN: Pata! PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata? JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento! ***** Miriam Santiago is the model of a watch to be made jointly by Japan's Seiko and French's Patek Philippe. The brand name of the watch is "SEIKOPATEK". **** JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may asin sa dagat ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda.. **** TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE ng laba? BOY#1: Naglaba mam! TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang PRESENT TENSE? BOY#2: Naglalaba! TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE? BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam! **** IN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home! IN TAGALOG: kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to! **** ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES : 1. Doctors go back to school to be nurses abroad. 2. Rats are normal house pets. 3. Soap opera is reality and news provide the dramas of life 4. Actors make the rules and politicians provide the entertainment! **** ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish. HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese. JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot. RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo. JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina. MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork. AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon. GMA: half. **** TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor. ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro. TATAY: Bakit naman? ANAK: Matalino tatay nun! **** INTERVIEWER: Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless? ERAP: Marami, kaso may problema. INTERVIEWER: Ano po yun? ERAP: ang hirap nilang hanapin, kasi wala silang address. **** MGA JOB TITLES NA DAPAT NANG PALITAN: PRESIDENT- pasimuno. VICE PRESIDENT- kunsitidor. SECRETARY- palsipikador. TREASURER- kubrador. AUDITOR- kasabwat. PUBLIC RELATION OFFICER- tsismoso. REPRESENTATIVES- pahamak. SPOKESMAN- bolero. SGT-AT-ARMS- tirador. ADVISER- taga sulsol. (mas tama di bah?) **** JUAN; Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata. TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata! Englisin mo yan! JUAN: Paano? TATAY: KANG GUD! **** ERAP: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco? OPERATOR: Just a minute, Sir. ERAP: Really? Thank you.. **** PILITA CORRALES - Asia's Queen of Song. LANI MISALUCHA - Asia's Nightingale. REGINE VELASQUEZ - Asia's Song Bird. GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO - "Mole of Asia" **** Old man: Doc, I'm 95 and my 18yr old wife is pregnant! Doc: Let me tell you a story about an old hunter who, instead of his gun, brought his umbrella in the jungle, met a bear, aimed his umbrella, pulled the trigger and the bear dropped dead. Old man: Impossible! Somebody else must have shot the bear! Doc: Exactly! **** Tanong: Ano English ng "baka maswerte ako?" Sagot: "Beef Lucky Me" Tanong: Ano English ng "Maswerte ako Inay"? Sagot: "Lucky Me Mami" Tanong: Ano English ng "Maswerte ako sa lalake"? Sagot: "Lucky Me with Egg"! **** Erap: pagbilan po! Tindera: Ano yun? Erap: Meron po ba kayong skats teyp, yung tig-piso? Tindera: Meron? Erap: Magkano po? **** Bruno: Ano yang nasa papel nayan? Juan: Listahan ng mga takot sa aken! Bruno: Bakit nakalista ako?! Juan: Bakit laban ka? Bruno: OO!!! Juan: Eh di burahin, problema ba yun? **** Pedro na-late sa klase? Titser: Pedro late ka na naman! Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko Titser: problema ba yun? Edi i-advance mo! Pedro: Opo? Titser: O san ka pupunta? Pedro: Mam, uwian na! **** Quotes from the World's GREATEST WARRIORS: "Veni! Vedi! Vinci!" - Julius Caesar "I shall return!" - Douglas McArthur "You give me peace in a lifetime of war" - Achilles "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" - Muhammad Ali "I will fight iniwahn, iniwer, initaym" - Manny Pacquaio