I’m sorry, I’m a foreigner who has lived here for years now, and this seems like the proper forum to get this off my chest. This is how the Philippines wants to be viewed by the world; “A poor but happy conservative family oriented Christian nation”, but in practice it’s something very different.
In regard to family; what I see in reality is that one person will be primped and primed in a family to go through higher education for the sole purpose of supporting everyone else. In theory, it’s supposed to be just for the parents not to have to worry about retirement, but in reality this poor soul ends up supporting more people than one income is even capable, stretching out the income like butter on a hot piece of toast. A combination of guilt and masked threat (if you don’t do this, you’re a greedy selfish Scrooge, and the family will disown you) keeps them from breaking away from this cycle. For this reason (and not because life is better abroad per say, despite popular belief), many professionals long to work abroad and escape the financial death grip of their family.
“Manopo” is a nice ideal that may have been practiced at one time, but in reality I rarely ever see. The children I see now aren’t taught anything useful by the parents (that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but not much). Both middle class and squatter children alike are deprived of discipline and upbringing. Studies have shown that children with authoritative parents are much happier than children of authoritarian or permissive parents, and Filipino parents usually fall into the latter category. Instead, they can scream, cry, throw tantrums, and walk around everywhere without any pants on, and basically be ignored by their parents until they do something to annoy them (middle-class children are usually dressed well, but middle-class is the minority here). They learn how to shout “Kano” and “Give me money” at foreigners, or scream curse words at each other, but things like “Please”, “Thank you”, and “Excuse me” are generally alien to them. With the small middle class, it’s common that the parents will make a feigned effort to teach their children manners when in mixed company, but it’s obvious by the reaction of the child that this is not the daily routine for them. A standard way of modifying a child’s behavior is to point out that some random stranger (policeman, guard, foreigner, etc.) will scold them if they don’t stop. Which, apparently, means that the parent doesn’t feel that he/she has the authority to correct their own child. Which leads me to the next topic of respect (or should I say lack of respect for self and others).
Respect; Filipinos in general don’t have respect, they have pride. Self-respect and pride are two different things. It’s the Filipino dream to get rich beyond their wildest dreams to buy insanely vast amounts of things they felt deprived of when they were children (e.g. Imelda Marcos), show everyone in their barranggay their worth (through material possessions, and of course by making shows of wealth by bringing their family nice a “Pasalubong”). This behavior is often confused with gaining self-respect, but is actually immodest pride.
The combination of pride and lack of self-respect causes them to also treat others with a lack of respect. When the opinion of another conflicts with their own, it’s common practice to shuffle off the others opinion with a sarcastic remark, threat, or even actual violence. For example, an individual or group’s desire to listen to absurdly loud music at any time of the day or night is far more important than any other individual or group’s right to have a peaceful night’s sleep or quiet time in their own home. There was a case in Bukidnon recently where an elderly man was stabbed and then had his head smashed on a rock for asking his neighbors to reduce the volume. The lack of respect is also shown on jeepneys, where people feel that it’s their right to force their way into the seat closest to the exit despite the fact that a lot of other people had been waiting for that seat for a long time. They also feel that their nicotine cravings and desire to have it satisfied at that moment are far more important than the other passengers’ right not to have to breathe cigarette smoke (and in spite of the fact that it is illegal). Once again, asking someone to put out a cigarette will be met with a violent reaction. If not just a very angry scowl and refusal to comply, it could even escalate into violence. A particularly evident way of proving the contempt that most Filipinos have for “Rules” would be to place a sign that says “Bawal mag-ihi dito” or “No parking” and see if that isn’t the place people will choose first for parking and peeing.
It is particularly true in the case of a negative opinion in regard to the Philippines; If a foreigner criticizes the Philippines way, they are met with one of the above reactions. “If the Philippines is so bad, why don’t you go home?” is the most common reaction, but can even take the forms of things like “Better watch what you’re saying if you know what’s good for you” or something of that nature. Even the educated minority have a long list of excuses for wrong behavior; “This is the Philippines” they seem to feel is enough of an answer. “Yeah, it’s just uneducated people who do that” is the more common one, not really acknowledging that it is a really big problem that needs to be addressed or that the uneducated (as they say) are the majority. Similarly, balikbayans (Filipinos who have worked abroad and then come home) or even educated locals who have the guts to speak up about the gross injustice are accused of being against their own country and people. I, like them, just want to see the country improve, and I have given a great deal of time to studying about the Philippines (History, languages, etc.). I did this out of respect for the place I live. I am not anti-Philippines, I am anti-criminal. I want to see a place where the person who is in the right is not placed in the wrong, and the loudest most belligerent are not rewarded for their loud belligerence.
Why is it the common practice to try to shut up the voice of someone who has a valid complaint and violate his/her right to speak up, and instead either take sides with the rude (or even downright criminal) either actively or by default of just asking the one who has complaint to just take the abusive behavior quietly?
An example of this is a dear friend who decided to retire in the Philippines and bought a piece of beach front property (in his wife’s name, of course. Foreigners aren’t allowed to actually own property) and was assured by the ex-mayor that this would be a quiet spot with many educated neighbors. What he wasn’t told was that the next driveway over was an empty lot which was being squatted by a woman who somehow had turned the beach which she didn’t own into a bamboo resort who blast “Videoke” at all hours of the night. The actual property owner took action to close of road access after the squatter tried to sell the legitimate owner’s land with a fake title. So, the squatter intrudes onto my friend’s property on a regular basis now, even having dozens of jeepneys parked on his private drive and then cutting across two other private properties to get to her “Resort”. That’s not even mentioning the “Guests” who stare at him in his own home, shout racial slurs at him, and steal his fruits (some times even forcing their way into his gate, damaging it in the process). Surely he has a reason for complaint. Do you know what he’s told? He’s told that he shouldn’t react when they do that because “They will get mad”. One night, some “Guest” got their cars locked in because one of the other legitimate land owners locked the gate to the drive. So, a “Guest” who was supposedly a policeman threatened her with violence if she didn’t get up at 3:00am and unlock the gate for he and his companions (as if it were her responsibility).
Displays of emotion mean everything. Even if one is in the wrong, they will be perceived as being in the right or at least being excusable if they just cry when being questioned about it.
That is just the tip of the ice burg. Poverty isn’t really the problem, the problem is the incorrigibly stubborn, backward, criminal behavior that the majority of people display that makes being poor an unbearable living hell. If you want to think of Philippine tourism as a business, then the Philippines is your place of business. Tell me, how well can a business do if the shopkeeper threatens, bullies, intimidates, ignores, or ridicules any customer who voices any desire for the establishment to be clean, safe, and the service to be friendly?
I won’t even get into the topic of death as it goes into an even more dicey topic in regard to the absurd way that time and resources are misused here (e.g. it’s perfectly practical to spend a typical year’s wage to party for two weeks without regard for tomorrow).
Incidentally, I lived in a Muslim community in Mindanao before, and I had more problems with the so-called Christians than with the Muslims. I have been the victim of violence on several occasions, and none of the perpetrators were ever Muslim. Not that Muslims can’t and don’t commit crimes here, but they are often the media focal point for all the problems in the Philippines. Most of the problems in the Philippines have nothing whatsoever to do with Muslims, and Mindanao is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Davao has it’s problems, but it’s the over-all best retirement city in all the Philippines (in terms of peace and quiet, low crime, low air and noise pollution, proper city planning and construction, prices of living, and general politeness of the locals).
In regard to who’s fault it is, the Spanish are not here any more. The Philippines has to take responsibility for its self. Getting drunk of a never-ending cycle of debauchery isn’t taking responsibility, it’s hiding. Every so often, the Philippines is briefly awakened from it’s fantasy and forced to see the reality, but quickly blames someone else and goes back into the same cycle.
Gutuerte did a good job in Davao, and if you lived there before and after his stay in office, you would agree with me.
A good first step in improving the Philippines would be an entertainment and media overhaul: Hiding in a world of superstitions and catholic propaganda isn’t going to improve people’s education or attitudes. To make things worse, constantly placing the white mixed-blooded Filipino as the ideal role model is not only ridiculous, it’s destructive. The people in these “Novelas” are animalistic, corrupt, backstabbing, selfish, conniving, mentally unstable, and rich. Knowing that Filipinos look up to the rich deliberately places these kind of amoral monsters as role models. In fact, everything that is traditionally considered moral and right is being thrown in the garbage by the entertainment here. Shouldn’t the entertainment teach people to look up to people who have moral integrity and display the kind of values that would build a society and its economy? In addition, shouldn’t the pure Malay Filipino be treated as just as much of a symbol of beauty in the Philippines as any other kind of Filipino? Teaching the majority that they aren’t good enough as they are can only bring bad results. Sales of “Whitening products” doesn’t do anything to build society or economy. Low self-esteem/self-respect causes social and economic problems.
I just want to clarify that I don’t hate anyone. My wife is a Philippine citizen and so is my daughter. I just want to see the Philippines be a better place. I feel that I am a part of Philippine society as much as any Filipino, not a guest or visitor. Since it’s not officially against the law to speak an opinion that’s contrary to the popular one, I am saying it in a forum that seems open to hearing it.
I teach my daughter her mother’s dialect along with English. I’m not a fluent Tagalog speaker because I have never lived in Southern Luzon, and so I don’t feel qualified to teach her Tagalog. I help my wife unlearn the habits that she learned as a child, like throwing her wrappers or bottles on the ground when she’s done with them. Both my wife and daughter know to hold on to it until a trash can is available. I tell them to respect the Philippines. So, I don’t want my grievances to be confused with being “Anti-pinoy” or “Anti-Philippines”. I want to be treated fairly by others and not discriminated against for the color of my skin or country of origin, just as any Philippine citizen would expect if they were to immigrate to another country. My comments are against rude, obnoxious, criminal behavior, not the Philippines or Filipino people. There is room for an infinity of different personalities and cultural values. Conforming to a standard of basic manners and concepts of right and wrong don’t destroy a culture. If anything, they beautify it.
OK, whether or not you are Christian, let’s use the golden rule. If you wouldn’t want someone to do something to you, don’t do it to someone else. So, when other Filipinos generally find something rude, obnoxious, or unfair, then it’s not a question of cultural differences. It’s a question of moral values.
Filipinos hate when other Filipinos cut in line. They may be too “Huya” to say it out loud like us foreigners who are used to having the right to speak up for ourselves, but they are seething inside.
Filipinos hate having to die or lose loved-ones in death because of poor planning and shoddy workmanship. I think it’s pretty universal. They just don’t realize that they deserve better.
Filipinos hate being made late for work by jeepney drivers who don’t care about anyone else or their timetable and think that by burning gas and hogging a supposed golden spot blowing smooches at people a half a kilometer down the road who are showing no interest in boarding their jeepney is going to save them on gas and get them more passengers in the long run. Few have the guts to speak out about it, but they sure don’t mind murmuring under their breath and then blasting the driver one he gets out of ear shot.
Filipinos hate it when someone tricks them into buying property that they the buyer doesn’t really own. It’s not the victims fault!
Filipinos hate it when a jeepney drives by and belches a thick black cloud of smoke into their faces. They may have become passive about it, but you never seem them sniffing it in with delight. They hate it as much as any foreigner.
Filipinos (who don’t smoke) hate it when someone sitting right next to them (and down wind) lights up in an area that’s clearly marked “No Smoking”.
Filipinos who work for a living hate being kept up all night by people who think that life is just one big “Piesta”, it’s not just foreigners.
There are lots of other things I’m sure Filipinos would hate as well if they knew anything different or were in the shoes of a visitor or permanent foreign resident, but I’ll stop there because I did say that we’ll only count the things that only other Filipinos dislike having done to them. Filipinos who have worked abroad and actually have experienced discrimination surely should certainly be able to sympathize, but some times they don’t because the discrimination they face in other Asian countries is different than what your average “Joe” faces in the Philippines.
I don’t believe it’s unreasonable for a foreigner to expect to be treated with fairness and basic human dignity when they are in another country. After having so many of my friends fall victim to scams by Filipinos, I get tired of hearing about how us Foreigners are here taking advantage of Filipinos. It might happen, but more often than not it’s the other way around. To begin with, the system is not set up to allow a foreigner to take advantage of a Filipino. The system is pretty bias against non-Filipinos, and we are often reminded that we are second class human-beings (e.g. “A Filipino is worth dying for”, see 500 peso bill).
I came here after studying Tagalog for a year (but never practicing it because Filipinos in the United States seem adverse to using it), researching the culture as best I can, and with the intention of making a positive contribution to a poor country. I only regret that I couldn’t believe negative reports I heard about the Philippines because it seemed so absurd as to be purely invented and I only paid attention to the positive propaganda. I had no reason to believe negative comments about the Philippines because I worked with many Filipinos back home and they were fine outstanding citizens whom I had nothing but respect for. So good was the impression they made on me that I felt that they must have come from a pretty great country.
Nowadays, I rarely tell people this because I get verbally slapped in the face when I do. It seems that anyone who would think about coming here with a good intention is stupid.
Anyway, I met a nice girl, had a horrific first two years of marriage before she finally started seeing my side of things, had a daughter together, and I am raising her to love and respect the more positive aspects of her culture. Even if I return to my country, I will never teach my daughter to hate the Philippines. It’s part of who she is.
Most of what my wife used to fight about is why I didn’t want to pay workers who didn’t do what I hired them to do (apparently I was supposed to pay them just for showing up or else I am greedy and selfish), not being happy when people overcharged me or shouted at me in a sarcastic tone, etc., etc.
There definitely was a turning point when she applied for a government job, and they kept implying that she didn’t deserve a job because she was married to a foreigner and had everything she needed (based solely on seeing her family name on the resume). It’s unfortunate that we had to be united by be equally discriminated against.
I should leave this off on a positive point, though. I am proud of the way they have cleaned up Davao. It’s not perfect, but it’s an example of what your country could be. Don’t believe all the negative propaganda. It’s a great place to visit or live, as long as you’re not a criminal.
Jake Cush
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