Whenever my husband and I walk around in public, be it in Europe or anywhere in Asia, we can’t help but get stares from people, people who might be inwardly asking themselves and speculating “what in the world could we have seen from each other?” Why would a young lady like me prefer to marry an older man?
A lot would simply judge us by saying it’s all about money like nothing else matters in the world but that. I would be a hypocrite to say I do not dream of a comfortable and stable life, who wouldn’t? But that should not be construed to mean the same as marrying for money. Even if you choose a younger man you would still consider this idea, wouldn’t you? Besides, consideration should also be given to the fact that not all girls who enter into a union of this sort are destitute in the first place. Take my case for example; although we’re not rich, I come from a family who can perfectly provide for ourselves on our own. My father is a lawyer and my mother is a teacher. All 5 of my siblings have degrees and some of us even have two and have decent jobs. So my decision to marry a “foreigner” (a term we use to refer to westerners in our country), has nothing to do with saving the family from destitution or anything like that. I am sure a lot of Filipinas who are similarly situated find themselves under the glaring scrutiny of the public who in most cases ends up giving bad judgments upon us.
Now if it isn’t for money, then why did we decide to pick up someone who could be more than twice our age with so much difference in personality? It is a personal choice actually. In most cases, we see western men as more open-minded and straightforward. They don’t dwell on mushiness and grumbles when your back is turned. It is what you see is what you get. If they don’t like something western men will tell you honestly about it and not resort to tactics just to avoid hurting you. That is very typical of Filipino males. Because Filipinos are very sensitive, we try as much as possible to sugar-coat everything we say for fear of hurting the other person. I personally don’t see this as a good opportunity to grow because by doing so you don’t come out as 100% honest to your partner. Of course there is also a good thing from this, CONSIDERATION. Filipinos have a great deal of consideration, something I can say, Western people lack. Most of them are honest and straightforward that if you’re not use to it could come out as tactless and hurtful. It takes a lot of getting use to but it gets better.
Western men allows you to express yourself and be who you really are. They are not so concerned whether you’re wearing a mini-skirt or a haltered top. They are confident in themselves and would be proud to have you in their arms. Most Filipino men are conservative and jealous. They want to have their girls for themselves alone. They would never dream of anyone else admiring their girlfriends/wives. Even if their wives are unaware, if they catch someone staring they would get angry at their wives and tell them to cover themselves up. At least western men has broader perspective. They are proud to have you and show the world they have a pretty wife as long of course as the wife does not do anything to indicate flirting with other man. That is a totally different story isn’t it?
Filipinas look to age almost synonymously as wisdom. We see older men as more intelligent and more mature to handle a relationship. Since most western men who get married to a Filipina are divorced or widowed they are considered more experienced and are more likely to commit lesser mistakes. We would not able to get that in Filipino men because, generally speaking, there is no divorce in the Philippines so they’re either single without any experiences or separated which means they are still not allowed to remarry. Because of this wisdom, western men are more aptly to understand us more and will have more patience with us.
Filipino men generally expect to be waited on hand and foot by their wives, they leave everything concerning the household to the ladies whereas with a western husband there is equality, a sharing of task and everything else. The wife alone does not bear the burden of household chores. Even if the husband works at the office they still help in the house. They are not as demanding as most Filipino men.
Funny enough, my mother was so worried I would not be able to get married because I never learned how to cook. But my husband doesn’t mind. As long as I am honest with him of the things I can and cannot do, we can come to a compromise. I believe had I married a Filipino man, I would have been labeled a “bad wife” a long time ago. Even my friends who came up to stay with us for awhile were appalled that I didn’t cook for my husband. I think this is where the misconception of “submissiveness of Filipinas” come from. I think this is not submission. Filipinas do house chores and serve their husbands because they believe it is their obligation to do so. It does not mean that they are totally submitting themselves to the Filipino mans rule, although a lot of Filipino women are quite confused by these and ends up as martyrs.
Most western men do not stereotype girls as only fit for household duties. They accept you for what you are and see your worth in other areas and encourage you to grow. Like me, I cannot cook but I do so much of my husband’s paper works and computer stuff. So it’s not a big deal if I am not housewife material.
Many would say, western men are more likely to hit their wives or physically hurt them. Maybe but only in rare instances. Physical violence is heavy sanctioned in the west. People there, even neighbors, have the right to intervene in cases of physical abuse unlike in the Philippines where people would not care to report to the authorities when “it’s a family matter”.
Now all of these, plus the fact that you will be able to experience more to life than what you would experience if you would only confine yourself in one place are just some of the reasons why a Filipina like me had preferred to marry a western man than a local man by choice. I think a lot of girls would also agree with me in most points raised.
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