Importance of “Go-betweens” in the Filipino Society

Because of the inter-play between “hiya” and “amor propio”, face to face situations are delicately handled. An intermediary or “go-between” (locally termed as “padrino”) is needed to defuse the situation. The “go-between” makes it possible to raise matters that may have caused a person’s “hiya” or embarrassment. The person addressed by the go-between has the prerogative to turn down the request, or contradict the charges and explain his side without fear that he is threatening the amor propio of the petitioner.

For example, a simple request for a job placement from a friend/family is fraught with “amor propio” elements, since to say a person is not qualified may wound that person’s “amor propio” and cause “hiya” for having presumed that he can do the job and for having aspired for it; rejection of an application creates an awkward situation for both the applicant and the person who has to turn him down. This is much harder when the other element of Filipino society such as kinship comes in. “Amor propio” would be more wounded if the person who turned down the request is, say, a relative or a friend. In this situation, the job of the third person is to convey the request, in which case the person from whom the job is solicited will feel free to say no gracefully, rejection is taken in better grace when explained by the intermediary. A “go-between” is often used by a young man to know whether the lady he is courting likes him as well. As we say, the way to a Filipina’s heart is through her best friend, or a cousin. Because of “hiya” and “amor propio”, face to face confrontations are very much discouraged which makes the “go-between” indispensable. This is also inculcated within the Filipino family. Children approaches the mother over a grievance or disciplinary problems involving the father. A grandmother, aunt, sister, or brother may all serve as intermediaries over inter-family differences. In business dealings with Filipinos, it is only practical for business executives to be warned that the Filipino values of “hiya” and “amor propio” is often the cause of much misunderstanding. Filipinos have a high sense of personal dignity. To a Filipino, dignity and honor is everything, so that the wounding of them, whether real or imaginary is considered a challenge to his manhood. He respects other people and he expects other people to respect him as well. Often conflicts between a foreign superior and a Filipino subordinate is founded on a disregard on the one hand, and a sacred regard on the other of individual dignity. Go-betweens are also used in business affairs, government transactions and dealing with officialdom. A good though perverse example would be the “fixers” that hangs around in public offices offering assistance for a fee. The Philippine society need for better Smooth Interpersonal Relationship (SlR). The “go-between practice” revolves around “hiya” and “amor-propio”, a matter of the highly sensitive self-esteem.