Latest Medical Advice

Q:  Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true? 
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 
A:  Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? 
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to  one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of  participating in a regular exercise  program? 
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain... good!
      
Q:   Aren't fried foods bad for  you? 
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be  bad?

Q  :  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A:  Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  
A:  You crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable! It best feel-good food  around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure? 
A:  If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my  lifestyle?  
A:  Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:  

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats  and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.


CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what you  like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.