I had a couple of people close to me who said to take it easy on the Pinoy. That I was too harsh or too negative on the Pinoys. For short these “mentors” of mine told me to take it easy and give the Pinoys a break. As usual, I reminded them that we shouldn’t become ossified and become desensitized to the plunder that takes place before our eyes every minute of the day.
“TAWANAN MO ANG IYONG PROBLEMA” – FREDDIE AGUILAR
I understood their position that I should take it easy on the government – because, THEY were making money out of the government. Thus, we shouldn’t bite the goose that lays the golden eggs. I countered that was government really the goose that laid the golden eggs – or what we thought was golden eggs are actually bronze nay brass eggs.
Under the depraved circumstances the Philippines finds itself in today – I wonder whether one should be the Crisostomo Ibarra of the Noli – or one should follow the Crisostomo Ibarra makeover of the Fili aka Simoun.
One thing is clear though the Philippines today is still very much the Philippines of Rizal more than a 100 years ago. From a colony of the monarchy and the friars – the Philippines is still a colony of its own elite – who are able to get away with whatever by pandering to the former indios turned “proud pinoy”.
In light of the holiday season – I guess it wouldn’t hurt to take the suggestions of my erstwhile “mentors” and take it easy on the Pinoy. I scoured the web for something that can be adopted to the times we find ourselves in. Indeed in these dark times, perhaps a laughter or two can shed more light than voluminous technical analysis. Having said that – here are some snippets on the “lighter side” of being a “proud pinoy”.
***
A popular Makati Barber shop had a new robotic barber installed. A fellow came in for a haircut. As the robot began to cut his hair it asked him, “What’s your IQ?” The man replied, “130.”
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently and said, “This is really cool.”
Later, another gent came in for a haircut and the robot asked him as it began the haircut, “What’s your IQ?” The man responded, “100.” So the robot started talking about basketball, paintball, and so on. The man thought to himself, Wow, this is really cool.”
Later on, a third guy came in to the barbershop. As with the others, the robot barber asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “70.” The robot then said, “So, I understand you proud pinoys are really excited about the passage of RH Bill as well as Binay, Aquino, and Pacquiao running for president?”
***
Q: What’s the difference between a Filipino politician and a leech?
A: A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
***
A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Artists’ Brains $9/oz
Philosophers’ Brains $12/oz
Nurses’ Brains $15/oz
Engineers’ Brains $19/oz
Proud Pinoys’ Brains $2,000/oz
Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, “My those Proud Pinoys’ brains must be popular!”
To which the butcher replied, “Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many Proud Pinoys you have to kill to get an ounce of brains?!”
***
Q: What is the difference between a palamunin pinoy and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
***
Q: What is the difference between an intelligent proud pinoy and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
***
Q: How many Pinoy leftists does it take to change a light Bulb?
A: At least ten, as they will need to have a discussion about whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
***
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a proud Pinoy. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were proud Pinoys too.
Not really knowing what a proud Pinoy was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was, however, one exception. A girl named Jessica had not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a proud Pinoy.” “Then,” asks the teacher, “What are you?”
”Why I’m a proud conservative antipinoy,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Jessica why she was a conservative antipinoy. “Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative antipinoys, and I am a conservative antipinoy too.”
The teacher, now angry, loudly says, “That’s no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
She pauses, and lets out a smile. “Then,” Jessica says, “I’d be a proud Pinoy.”
***
A proud pinoy found a magic genie’s lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, “I will grant you one wish.”
He said, “I wish I were smarter”. So the genie made him an antipinoy.
***
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very proud Pinoy, but her father was a staunch antipinoy.
One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to high taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked how she was doing in school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, but it was really tough. She had to study all the time and never had time to go out and party. She didn’t have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. On top of that, the part-time job her father insisted she keep left absolutely no time for anything else.
He asked, ‘How is your friend Pia?’
She replied that Pia was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, didn’t have a job, and went to all the parties. She was always complaining about not having any money, but didn’t want to work. Why, she often didn’t show up for classes because she was hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn’t go to the Dean’s office and request that 1.0 be taken off her 4.0 and given it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a respectable 3.0 GPA. Then, she could also give her friend half the money she’d earned from her job so that her friend would no longer be broke.
The daughter angrily fired back, ‘That wouldn’t be fair. I worked really hard for my grades and money, and Pia just loafs. Why should her laziness and irresponsibility be rewarded with half of what I’ve worked for?’
The father slowly smiled and said, ‘Welcome to the antipinoy.”
***
Happy holidays everyone! 
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