Is Filipino Parenting Style Prone to Produce Mendicants

I noticed a recurring theme in the issues that swamp the headlines of Philippine media. It is one of entitlement – a notion that the whole world owes Filipinos a favor because well – they were born in the Philippines.

FILIPINOS FEEL ENTITLED TO SPEND MONEY THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM - AND DEPEND ON IT.

Can you imagine what would happen – oh well it has happened, and is still happening – if all the nationalities of the world – all felt an entitlement because of their citizenship. And so Nazi Germany felt entitled to wipe the Jews off the face of the planet. And by golly – I can’t imagine for the life of me – Filipino Nazis – and Noynoy Aquino as Der Fuhrer sporting a Charlie Chaplin moustache and a bald pate to wit.

Bahala na si Batman

What bugs me is how can such irrationality and mindlessness take root and become acceptable to Filipinos? Why can’t Filipinos think themselves out of a paper brown bag? Or even why can’t just Filipinos think for themselves and instead of having someone else tell them what to do. For example, when you ask a farmer, or laborer on whether they agree to be taxed more or taxes less – their answer would be – si Mayor na ang bahala nyan.

Pander like a Retard

Another thing is most Filipinos seem to have this pathological constant need for social acceptance to the point that you have to be pandering and being a nanny to them. You know, talk to a 40 year old like addressing a toddler.

Bestest Best Daw – But Demand Protection

Listen to Filipinos in boxing matches and beauty pageants – it’s as if, every Filipino was born with boxing prowess and a gorgeous bod.

But on issues that count such as economics, Filipinos are quick to say “the competition is strong, we can’t compete”. It implies without saying that Filipinos in the Philippines are weak, can’t compete, and don’t have what it takes to succeed and compete.

Fear of Disagreeing

When discussing issues, Filipinos are also wont to express disagreement with an idea for fear of losing acceptance. But when you turn your back around, that’s when they express their disagreement. To me that’s rude. It will be better if I am told straight to the face – then I can reconsider and rethink my proposition.

I dunno if this a leftover from the colonial days – when talking back meant corporeal punishment with the parting words –sin verguenza

Now having made these observations – let’s just say that on my way to Damascus – I stumbled on an enumeration of behaviors that when compiled in toto was described as a mental illness. Here’s the enumeration

• Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life
• Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval
• Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)
• Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant
• Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself
• Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends
• Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself

Do you recognize these behaviors? Do you agree that these behaviors are displayed by a large number of Filipinos – i’d say the entire Filipino masa are dependent on padrinos, obispos, and what not.

Also, a recent study on the phenomenon of dependency was conducted by the University of Wisconsin

To distinguish different shades, or varieties, of dependency, two psychologists, Aaron L. Pincus of Pennsylvania State and Michael B. Gurtman of the University of Wisconsin, Parkside, administered an exhaustive battery of dependency-related questionnaires to 654 psychology students. The scales rated everything from social confidence to preference for solitude to urges to please others. The psychologists’ analysis of the answers suggested that there were three distinct varieties of dependent behavior patterns.

One was defined predominantly by submissiveness (“I don’t have what it takes to be a good leader” or “I am easily downed in an argument”).

Another was characterized principally by exploitability (“I am afraid of hurting people’s feelings” or “I do things that are not in my best interest in order to please others”).

And a third, which the psychologists call love dependency, was based on a longing for social connection (“Being isolated from others is bound to lead to unhappiness” or “After a fight with a friend, I must make amends as soon as possible”).

I observed in my my more than three decades of living in the Philippines that these three behavior patterns of submissiveness, exploitability, and love dependency are VERY pronounced among Filipinos.

You need not go far, you might even be displaying this irrational behavior unconsciously specially the part that goes “I am afraid of hurting people’s feelings” or “I do things that are not in my best interest in order to please others”.

The behavior being described is Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD).

Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing need for the person to be taken care of and a fear of being abandoned or separated from important individuals in his or her life. This leads the person to engage in dependent and submissive behaviors that are designed to elicit care-giving behaviors in others. The dependent behavior may be see as being “clingy” or “clinging on” to others, because the person fears they can’t live their lives without the help of others.

Individuals with Dependent Personality Disorder are often characterized by pessimism and self-doubt, tend to belittle their abilities and assets, and may constantly refer to themselves as “stupid.” They take criticism and disapproval as proof of their worthlessness and lose faith in themselves. They may seek overprotection and dominance from others. Occupational functioning may be impaired if independent initiative is required. They may avoid positions of responsibility and become anxious when faced with decisions. Social relations tend to be limited to those few people on whom the individual is dependent.

While the exact cause of DPD is unknown it may be caused by both biological and developmental factors. Some researchers believe an authoritarian or overprotective parenting style causes development of dependent personality traits in people who are susceptible to the illness.

Which reminds me to update the question – “Is Filipino parenting style prone to produce wimps” to “Is Filipino parenting style prone to produce Mendicants”

After all when Filipino parents keep on dictating to their children what to do, what to eat, what to say – they fail to develop the child’s individuality and leave a blank mind that can be easily swayed by illogical emotional appeal. The Philippines – where 25 y.o, adults have no right to talk back to their parents – and parents who think that 25 y.o. are toddlers.

And so today, we have Filipinos who can’t think for themselves – and entrust everything to government. The problem with letting others think for you – is their line of thinking may not agree with you -but you kept silent – and lost by default.

That’s beyond tragic – that’s PATHETIC – A NATION OF NON-THINKING MENDICANTS.

About the Author

BongV has written 321 stories on this site.

BongV is the webmaster of Antipinoy.com.