OF COURSE, PINOY STYLE. . . Maybe oldies but still goodies..
ASAWA
1st year masaya.
After 5 years: tanggalin ang A = SAWA na
After 10 years: tanggalin ang S = AWA na lang
Sa susunod na taon tanggalin an A = WA na
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Mrs: Sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
Mr: Kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang, kung nakatalikod 16 ka lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.
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Duck Dictionary:
Maliit na duck - panduck
Tirahan ng maliit na duck - Pandacan
Mataas na duck - bunduck
Nagulat na duck - nasinduck
Photogenic na duck - kodak
Malaking duck sa Ilocos - duckil
Madaldal na duck - dakdak
Pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck - duck tape
Manggagamot na duck - ducktor
Musikero na duck - konducktor
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ERAP (Old jokes but still patok)
Erap went to Starbucks...
Erap: Isang kape nga!
Barista: Decaf po ba?
Erap: (angry) Aba op kors, alangan namang de plato!
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Tumatakbo si Erap galing computer room na sinusundan ng staff:
"Sir, Bakit ka tumatakbo?"
Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer "press Ctrl then Escape."
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Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mong mangga kung hinog na.
FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang mangga) Oo pare, hinog na.
Erap: Sige baba ka na, sungkitin natin.
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FVR: Erap may gift ako para sa yo; galing pa sa India. It's a 10 ft. snake.
Erap: Ows, niloloko mo naman ako e, 10 ft? Hoy di ako ganun ka tanga! Ang snake walang FEET.
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Erap delivering speech at the mental hospital.
Inmates shouting: Mabuhay si Erap!
PSG seeing one guy not cheering: Bakit di ka sumabay sa kanila?
Guy: Di ako sira ulo. Janitor ako.
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Spanish teacher: Class, use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's fuera?
Student: "Fuera ka."
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PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinay wife.
PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife, German food, American home, and Pinoy salary,
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Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga mare! Hay naku, kung asawa ko lang ang inasahan ko, hindi sana mangyayari yan.
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Letter to OFW dad:
"Luv, thanks sa padala mo, happy si Nene kasi Toblerone ang baon sa school, yung Nike suot na ni junior, next time wag ka na padala ng NIVEA MILK, di nila type, pait daw, ako tuloy ang umubos."
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MISTER: Ano ang pagkain natin?
MISIS: Nasa mesa, bahala ka nang pumili.
MISTER: Isang pirasong tuyo? ano pagpipilian ko?
MISIS: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi
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Long distance call from US:
HUSBAND: Honey, kumusta ang tindahan?
WIFE: Department store na!
HUSBAND: Ang tuba-an?
WIFE: KTV bar na!
HUSBAND: Ang mga trikad?
WIFE: Taxi na!
HUSBAND: Ang dalawa kong anak?
WIFE: LIMA na!
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Lovers watching the sky...
GUY: Ano ang horoscope mo?
GIRL: Anong huruscup?
GUY: Yun bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
GIRL: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS.
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TITSER: Who can make a sentence, then translate it in Tagalog?
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: Very good, now translate it in Tagalog.
PUPIL: Ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba siya?
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DONYA: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alas 6 empunto!
MAID: Walang problema, Donya. Kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!
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FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows EVERYTHING.
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LIFE'S CYCLE:
3 to 8: years old: paramihan ng toys
9 to 18: pataasan ng grades
19 to 25: padamihan ng chicks
26 to 35: pagandahan ng asawa
36 to 45: palakihan ng income
46 to 55: padamihan, pagandahan, at pabataan ng kabit
56 to 70: padamihan ng sakit
71 and above: pabonggahan ng LIBING!
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ESSENCE OF SMELL IN LIFE:
Lotion for babies
Cologne for the 20s:
Efficacent oil for the 40s
Bawang and luya for the 60s
Beyond 60s...FORMALIN na
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DIFFERENT PRAYERS OF SINGLE WOMEN:
At 15: Lord give me superMAN
At 18: Lord give me a cute MAN
At 20: Lord give me the best MAN
At 30: Lord give me a good MAN
At 40: Lord give me a MAN
At 50: Lord give me sino MAN
At 60: Lord maawa ka naMAN
SO, DID THESE TIDBITS MAKE YOUR DAY OF LAUGHTER AND JOY????
I BET YES !!!!
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