Six years ago, I remember being quite stunned by a statement our teacher (who also happens to be a nun from India) made in relation to Filipinos always overstating that they are respectful. Her opposition to this undoubtly disturbing thing is that if indeed Filipinos are what they think they are, why are there so many rape cases and people cutting lines here in the Philippines.
I can also vividly recall what my classmates reactions were upon hearing her opinion regarding that matter. Most of them were appalled and/or offended. Needless to say, I found myself contemplating on what I had just heard.
After a great deal of contemplation, I knew that there is no reason why I should go against her analysis. I hate to say this but she was right on every count.
Pinoy hypocrisy is, without a doubt, very evident. An example of this hypocrisy is in finding so many people hearing mass in a church on a Sunday. Filipinos, despite being religious, fail to be spiritual. Not that Filipinos are the only ones who do this but it is rather self-explanatory that they always pride themselves for being like this and like that when certain instances prove otherwise. This is the problem with Filipinos: They can’t walk the talk. They would go the extra mile when it comes to bragging but they can never deny that some of their practices go against what they say 24/7.
There was this time, a few years ago perhaps, when a teacher told me I was being disrespectful because I said “oo” instead of “opo”. I told her that my parents didn’t teach me how to say po and opo because they think it’s not related with respect but fear. I was asked to go to the principal’s office after that because I rebuked her dumb belief.
The problem with Filipinos with regard to saying po and opo is that they think that you are already being courteous when saying those dreadful words while talking to someone elderly. You cannot question them or argue with them even if you’re right because they think it’s atrocious.
I also find some people in the religious sector hypocrites. How can these people who know nothing about family life and overpopulation hinder the passing of the RH bill? Certainly, a few people would mock me for doing this since I cannot question anyone who is older than me especially when they are priests.
Another point I would like to raise is how Filipinos criticize the Americans for their lack of respect for their old parents by bringing them to aged care homes. If you would think about it, it’s not actually a sign of disrespect for them that they do so. It’s called reality and Filipinos just can’t face reality so they create a series of deluded criticisms to back up their wrong thinking. I would rather send my parents to an adult home than behead them and cook their heads.
If only Filipinos can see the bigger picture of being respectful, I bet they would stop priding themselves with false respect they have for elders and use their brains when it comes to reasoning. However, hypocrisy causes so much illusion to Filipinos so I don’t think I would count on them to stop persisting their lame ideas and values.
About the Author
Iya J has written 8 stories on this site.
An ordinary girl with an unpopular perspective about Philippine Politics.
Comments on “What is Respect in the Eyes of a Filipino?”
I always find it funny when people here in the US say “pag aaralin ko ang anak ko sa Pilipinas para matuto rumespeto”. Yes, her kid might learn to say “po” and “opo” and how to be timid in front of adults but all around him or her, they would see people throwing trash everywhere, drivers suddenly swerving/cutting others without signalling, people robbing each other, massacring each other, palakasan system and many more disrespectful things.
Sabi nila ang mga Filipino daw sa ibang bansa ay second class citizen. I don’t think so. I feel like I am more respected whenever I am in another country than when I am in The Philippines. Kapag tumatawid ako ay pinapabayaan ako makatawid at hindi halos sagasaan na. I am given my turn when I was first in the intersection. When I am in line at a Government office nobody can say “Kilala ko si ganito” to the person in the window and they would let them go first.
I’d rather my kids not say “po” and “opo” but learn in an environment where people throw their trash in the right place, respect their fellow drivers and pedestrians, respect property and respect life. Surely that environment is not “Sa Pilipinas” because the only respect they will learn there is superficial. I like respect that is REAL.
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Well, we don’t say “po” and “opo” because we’re BISAYA. But even then, we bisayans are more respectful than tagalogs. teeheee…. =p. Tagalogs are such plastic people: with those “dreadful words!: “po” and “opo”s. And their being sooo… respectful, but how they backbite one another! At least we Bisayans do not have those “dreadful words”! to contend with! And tagalogs are soooo racist!! i mean “regionalist!! they look down on other people from other regions beside their own!! When they hear a bisaya speaking in tagalog without “po and opo” how they STARE YOU DOWN!. Just like this article:FYI: The Philippines is NOT MANILA, and IT IS NOT TAGALOG. So, stop generalizing. And I hope next time, when you write an article, make sure it does not marginalize those you call “promdi” pls.
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Chino Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 4:15 am
I take it you don’t respect Tagalogs? Or you’re saying that Bisayans are better than Tagalogs? Oh, what racism that is too. So respect is based on your race? You respect only those of the same ethnicity as you, and “Tagalogs” or other ethnicities don’t deserve respect? Wow, thank you for demonstrating one of the problems of the Philippines, my dear Estudyante. You certainly live up to your name… you have a lot to learn.
But what this author says can be observed in Tagalogs, Warays, Bisayas, Mindanaoans, Ilocanos… every sub-race in Philippines has their bad as well as good traits. The Philippines is not Manila, but all sorts of Filipinos are in Manila, and you can see how they really are. Look at Filipinos going abroad, and when they do kalokohan, there’s no distinction between Bisaya, Tagalog or anything. It’s just Filipinos. And notice, when Tagalogs steal from a Hong Kong store, the shop owners will ban Filipinos, not Tagalogs. Would the Chinese care about the difference?
It’s also because of Amor Propio. People care too much about how they look to others. They care about appearances, they don’t care about substance. If they they do a good act, they want to show it. If done in private, other Pinoys will say, “how dumb, you should show it in public to show improve your image..” But doing good in private is real character. If our culture is based on doing good as a part of public image, then it’s a garbage culture. Respect is only for show. Wow, nice, magaling.
And image that… being sent to the principal simply because you disagreed with an opinion. I feel for you Iya. Now that shows you moral bankruptcy, since those in “authority” (call them high and mighty zealots) believe only they are right, and won’t listen to other opinions. Thus, our country’s bad state is an expected result.
Hmm, it reminds me, I was sent to the principal during grade 1 or 2, since I said “I hate Filipino,” merely because I was having trouble with the language and I found English easier. I didn’t say I was unpatriotic, did I?
But still I had high grades, 92, 85, 87, in English, Science, Social Studies, and even Math. But in Filipino, 75. Bwahahahahaha
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jethernandez Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 6:58 am
alam mo bai… ang tatay ko waray… waray upay ba bai… ang nanay ko tagalog… imagine the clash of culture in my family during my weaning years. noong elementarya ako i have to contend with my uncles from waray not saying po and opo to the elderly in my mother’s hometown. pero hindi ito naging hadlang para magkaroon ng magandang talakayan ng mga kuro-kuro o haka-haka. ito ay sa kadahilanan na ang mga kababayan kong mga tagalog sa bayan ng nanay ko ay alam na hindi tagalog ang mga kausap nila. they never took it against them. i and my siblings were never forced by my tagalog mother to say po and opo in the family conversations or discourses.
pero alam mo bai… sabi ng tatay ko na nag aral sa cebu… he has to learn cebuano… kasi ang medium dun ay cebuano. gayun din yung isang kaibigan kong illonggo… the irony of it is the confusion of why is it that the term bisaya only applies to the cebuano dialect?
i guess it’s just a matter of value formation… kagaya ng nasabi nuong nagsulat, hindi sya tinuruan na mag po at opo… ok lang yan. nasa tono yan ng pananalita… at nasa pinakikitang gawa. pero lam mo bai… me kasamahan ako sa trabaho ko na cebuano… hindi naman ganyan ang ugali. ngayon bai… dahil ako’y tubo sa laguna… at ako’y isang waray na tagalog… suntukan na lang kaya tayo. hehehehe. bayot ka ba bai? parang kababayan ng tatay ko na bading… si bayot abunda ah.
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Hsing Tao Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 8:49 am
You missed the point. Dugay ka na sa Maynila, tonto ka pa gihapon.
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haaay… i didn’t mean half of what i said. i actually find “po” and “opo” of tagalogs very charming. what i didn’t like was it being used as an example of Filipino’s pakitang-tao. that’s why i wrote those ramblings. naiinis lang ako. sorry, pero nakakainis lang ‘yung article na ‘to. that’s how i felt after reading it.
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Iya Justimbaste Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 9:30 am
What is so charming about “po” and “opo”? You don’t like this article because what I stated is true and true enough, the truth hurts. I encourage you to liberate yourself from the “pakitang-tao” and broaden your horizons. I don’t have anything to explain to you. The article says it all.
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Saying “po” and “opo”…. a skill, like dancing the boogie. Who the hell cares about the boogie, right? It is so 1960′s and so old!!!!
But you do get a couple of points for having an intellectual awareness of what it is kind of about; you get more points for doing it — with grace and self-confidence — when the occasion arises.
“Po/opo” (in my opinion) is related to that line that starts “…render unto Caesar”.
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Hoping for Filipinos to have a nuanced grasp of respect might be aiming too high. I’d settle for fellow Filipinos finally getting a clue about constructive criticism and satire. The examples of Freddie Aguilar, Chip Tsao, and that BBC comedy show highlight that some of our kinsmen can’t understand context as well.
I could care less about superficial “respect”, but it’d be a grand event when one can criticize topics about the Philippines without being labeled as a crab or be presumed to be a person full of jealousy.
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Estudyante (di sure kung estudyante ng alin) im a bulakenia and married to a bisaya.
kahit saan my racist, at di racist ang mga tagalog.
gusto mong makakita ng totong racist?
magaral kang mabuti at lumabas ka ng bansa,pumunta ka sa france
saka mo sabihing racist ang mga tagalog, bobah (sabay tingin pababa taas nyahaha)
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The “po/opo” is not a unique language convention. In German, for example, the pronouns “Du” and “Sie” have a similar difference, in that the latter is considered informal and would be improper if used to refer to a “You” that you do not know well or is your elder. Most Germans would be at least mildly offended by the error. In other Asian cultures, the ‘conventions of respect’ are even stronger than they are here; Korean, Chinese, and Japanese culture are minefields for people who are not familiar with the routine.
The big difference between these cultural conventions in other places and in Pinoy society (Pinoy cultural subgroups notwithstanding) is that the requirement for ‘respect’ manifested in language and other cues has a corresponding responsibility on the part of the ‘respected’ not only to reciprocate the formality, but, to put it in casual terms, to deserve the ‘respect’ by passing wisdom and guidance, and serving as a role model. Obviously, that last part (since it requires that dreaded “responsibility”) is what gets overlooked here, because otherwise most people would not act like ill-mannered brats 90% of the time.
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Oo nga, I have never used po and opo to converse with my parents but they always know that I respect them. This is because of constant good action, hindi lang puro po at opo
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Flippinos respect is only one way and his way only. Because respect is power. Therefore, giving respect is a sign of weakness. Recepient of respect is the powerful with money and influence.
Respect is only one way regardless how many rosaries hanging on rear view mirror. No matter how many bibles are stacked in the sala.
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Speaking of respect…
Magsusulat na po ako sa Tagalog, para mas lalo ninyo maintindihan. At gagamitin ko ang salitang TAYO para mailagay ninyo ang sarili ninyo sa position na tutukuyin ko.
Nakakahiya po TAYO.
Online na lamang po, nakikipag away pa TAYO sa internet.
Nagsasawa na po ang mga ibang lahi sa kakakaisip NATIN na TAYO lang ang magaling. Minsan maging kapwa Pinoy NATIN nahihiya na din.
Maaari nmn NATIN puriin yang sila Charice, Manny Paquiao, etc. pero sana naman po atin- atin nalang. NAGMUMUKA NA HO TAYONG MAYABANG.
Respetuhin naman din NATIN ang mga ibang lahi. Gusto NATIN magmukang matalino, pero sa totoo lang po nagmumuka na ho TAYONG tanga, at nagmumukang tanga ang mga walang kinalaman. Makikipag away pa TAYO sa internet, tulad nalang ng mga grammar at spelling- bashing na mga linya NATIN, hindi po yan ang lihitimong lengguahe na kinalakiyan NATIN.
NAKAKAHIYA TAYO. Matatanda na TAYO.
Maganda na i-idolo NATIN kung sino man sila, ngunit ang magmalaki at ipagmayabang na ang lahi lang NATIN ang may kaya gawin ang lahat, napaka makasarili naman ho NATIN. Lalo na ang mga wala naman po dapat ipagmalaki, eh ginagawa NATING instrumento ang mga pangalan ng mga taong sikat, para lang masabi na ang galing-galing NATIN.
Magisip naman TAYO, magbago na TAYO.