Valentine’s Day, another day of commercialism and consumerism. Much like Christmas, the pageantry of the occassion abounds. A day when motels are fully booked, when roses and chocolates go on a price hike and the vain feed off on one another, literally and figuratively.
Love is in the air? What is love anyway? Is it the heat derived from physical attraction? Is it the high that the financially capable and well endowed can provide? Is it the ring and marriage contract that defines a couple? Is it the number of children born out of the union? Is it undying loyalty?
In a country where love is defined by all of the above and while all of the above are based on the temporal, why then is love’s pit stop be a marriage contract? Just makes me ponder on divorce, if it was allowed during the time of Moses and Jesus, they might have seen divorce as a solution to a problem. Then why is it that the state does not provide this option to every Filipino when even the 3 Holy Books of the Jews, Christians and Muslims have marked it historically.
Since the Philippines is a predominantly Catholic nation, let’s define the why’s of divorce based on Biblical theologically, the two Scriptural grounds for divorce and remarriage are:
1. Marital infidelity (sexual unfaithfulness) by the spouse. The innocent party may divorce and remarry.
2. A Christian’s unbelieving mate departs from the Christian. The divorced Christian is free to remarry.
The Qur’an, Tanakh and the Bible have the same Mosaic Laws and the first 5 Books, so why are our men in robes acting on a moral high ground on House Bill (HB) 1799 or conveniently penned by media as the LATEST Divorce Bill? Again, wielding medieval power over the thin line that separates Church and State. They seem to have discounted
Matthew 19:9 – “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”,
1 Corinthians 7:15 – “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”
Matthew 5:31-32 – ““It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”
Historically, divorce was practiced in the Philippines under the Divorce Law of 1917 (Act No. 2710), under the 1935 Constitution and during the Japanese occupation, pursuant to Executive Order No. 141 (1943) before it was removed in the New Civil Code. Even before Spain colonized the country, indigenous tribes such as the Tagbanua of Palawan, the Ga’dang and the Sagada of the Mt. Province, the Manobo of of Northern Mindanao and the B’laan of Southern Mindanao practiced divorce and upholds it to this day. Under Presidential Decree No. 1083, also known as the “Code of Muslim Personal Laws of the Philippines,” divorce is allowed in certain instances, but this law applies only when both parties are Muslims, or wherein only the male party is a Muslim and the marriage is solemnized in accordance with Muslim law in any part of the Philippines. So, why is there discrimination on the basis of religion?
For most of the go-with-the-flow, who thought that House Bill (HB) 1799 or “An Act Introducing Divorce in the Philippines” is patterned from the quick and easy Las Vegas model, HB 1799 lists down five grounds for the filing of a petition for divorce :
(1) the petitioner has been separated de facto (in fact) from his or her spouse for at least five years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable;
(2) the petitioner has been legally separated from his or her spouse for at least two years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable;
(3) When the spouses suffer from irreconcilable differences that have caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage;
(4) When one or both spouses are psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations; and
(5) Any of the grounds for legal separation that has caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage.
I see no wisdom from people who prescribe their opinion when they actually have not lived it. Would they be saying the same if they were the battered wives of philandering husbands? Would they say the same if they are the wives of a good for nothing bum who feeds off on the conjugal property? Would they say the same if they are subjected to marital rape? Would they say the same if they caught their wife in bed with another man over and over? You don’t see those coming when one is “madly in love”. You see the strengths and faults of a partner when subjected to the realities of married life. Sometimes reconciliation is not enough to heal deep wounds. Scars re-open and bleed incessantly.
Divorce isn’t a threat to a marriage well founded on love and respect, for no human law can ever keep two people truly in love apart. Then why would a religion be threatened by a bill that provides an option that has been readily made available even before the Vatican came to existence? I reiterate, a part of 1 Corinthians 7:15 : God has called us to live in peace.
I say YES to divorce, for it is an empowerment for couples to take the better and cost effective option to remedy irreconcilable differences detrimental to their well-being; an avenue for emancipation and for a second wind. Annulment as provided by our existing laws, is not the same as divorce. Annulment doesn’t provide alimony and child support unless clearly stated in the final resolution of the case. Annulment is expensive, an extra and modest 5 digits is a must to support psychological incapacity.
I say YES to divorce to rectify the mistake of those who fell into the Filipino small town mindset that the next best choice to redemption for a woman once considered as “damaged goods” is MARRIAGE. Divorce is for the many who had been deluded, that being a beaming & blushing bride would last forever. For the many that had been deluded, that love can be learned. For the many that had been deluded, that children galvanize a marriage.
Once trials set in, only true love survives. Lovers are easy finds; sell sex and it is bought; hook, line & sinker but how many people are worthy of respect and to be remembered for a lifetime as someone for the books. RARE.
Stability, looks and intelligence are not enough; taking out the prerequisite that would define love, as God has defined love to be, with respect and unconditional understanding, no if’s and but’s then it’s all a fallacy. No strong future can ever be built on a shabby foundation.
A marriage contract cannot define a husband and wife, when neither lives by the very definition of the Holy Books. God’s best plan for every married couple is that they remain married, and HAPPILY so. The one-flesh marriage bond expires when either husband or wife falls out of it. My spiritual journey has brought me to the fact and the realization that because God loves us so much and wants us to uphold the Mosaic Law, “apoluo” , the Greek word for DIVORCE, Greek being one of the original Biblical languages, was permitted by God regardless of its disservice to His grace, rather than having His children commit adultery and live in chaos.
When a survivor learns to redefine one’s self, not only does one redeem one’s self but moreover, the children survives the dross. What needs to be done is to pick up what was left and do away with the delusions. Put up a brave face against the small town mentalities that plague the rebound and move on.
Remember that in relationships, it always takes two to tango. A marriage fails because the couple have both forgotten to appreciate the basic human frailty present among every individual.
Somehow when we learn to live beyond what we view and hear, we learn to see and listen to the prevailing Biblical exhortation to “forgive one another” and that includes one’s self. It is when we seek God diligently in the repercussions of the mistakes and trials that we undergo and to find it in us the grace to forgive, learn and forget, only then can we live within the Great Grandmaster’s plan.
About the Author
Ms. Mike Portes has written 5 stories on this site.
Mike is the author of "Minsan may Isang Puta", one of her articles that has taken a life of its own. It has been almost seven years since she wrote the article and, it is still finding it's way to blog sites, fora, search engines and recently on an Indie film (Garden of Eve/Ganap na Babae) featured as the opening movie at Cinemalaya 2010. "Minsan may Isang Puta" has also been studied in high schools, universities and colleges for PolSci, Filipino and Theater 12 subjects. It is published in Writings 8 alongside articles of Gel Santos Relos, Dr. Cesar Candari, Gawad Kalinga's Tony Meloto and more. Now available at amazon.com. Each purchase helps in giving piglets to rural families.
You have seemed to skip Matthew 19:8 “Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”
Divorce is just like amputation of a gangrenous arm. You get to save the body, but you could never take back what was lost. I am not pro divorce, I am instead, for aggressive pre-marriage counseling, and a very selective marriage process. As always, an ounce of prevention is way better than a pound of cure”.
A marriage counselor should first scrutinize if a couple is fit to be married, based on financial stability, emotional maturity, etc. Otherwise, no certificate of eligibility should be issued. Judges and ministers should also get to know the couple better before they conduct the marriage rites, and advise them on how to become better partners and parents. These are better ways to prevent dysfunctional marriages, don’t you think?
The problem with the present system is that marriage rites and certificates are being handed out like pancakes. Even mayors and ship’s captains are allowed to marry a couple. Even ministers and judges don’t care about the couple they marry as long as they perform their duties as to the law. Just marry them, and to hell if they screw up later on. This should not be as intended by God from the beginning.
Again, I would appreciate it better if you campaign to address the cause of the problem, and not just go for palliative solutions. Divorce is the easy way out, obviously people are too lazy to work on their differences. Annulment of marriage is already destructive as it is, why fight evil with another evil?
I agree with most of the points you laid out above, but seriously, is divorce the best solution we can think of? That’s just a pity.
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There’s no reason why divorce should not be permitted by the state. Marriage is (according to the law) a contracts. There are void contracts, as there are void marriages. Divorce is like a knife. It’s not bad being itself, it depends how it is used. You can either kill another person with it, or you can use it for every good purpose it can bring. But, I don’t see why divorce should absolutely be prohibited. One evidence that this country is still backward and feudal is that that state can’t seem to divorce itself from the church. Shame.
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kusinero Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 12:48 am
Divorce is not an issue about the church. Why do we always confuse it as such? Of course the church is rabidly campaigning against divorce, and I would honestly say, sometimes for the wrong and backward reasons. But we could not totally dismiss their stance as ramblings of old religious foggies.
Have you counted the social costs of divorce? Have you talked to a kid who’s a product of a broken family? Haven’t you thought why the US, Japan and other European countries have a very screwed up younger generation? It’s too bad people just see what’s on the surface and say things like they know everything. And if you see marriage as just a contract, then dude, you are absolutely clueless.
Divorce is not a knife, it’s a chainsaw being used to cut sushi.
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Lilly Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 1:34 am
“Haven’t you thought why the US, Japan and other European countries have a very screwed up younger generation? It’s too bad people just see what’s on the surface and say things like they know everything. ”
Too bad I could say the same about you, seeing what’s on the surface and say things like they know everything.
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kusinero Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 2:11 am
Sure, knock yourself out. But what solution can you lay on the table? Can you offer any ideas?
kusinero Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 2:53 am
And FYI, I’m not talking through my arse
18 Shocking Statistics About
Children and Divorce
I’ve compiled these statistics about children and divorce for the “I’ll believe it when I see it” type of people who don’t accept anything as true unless it’s from a credible source or it’s been PROVEN in a convincing study.
If you are NOT one of these people, you need to read this anyway.
These days most people accept divorce as a way of life, completely unaware of the damage they are doing to their children. Tell your friends, acquaintances and co-workers to read these shocking statistics about divorce and children. It may help save a child’s life down the road. (And no, I’m not figuratively speaking either….just keep reading to find out what I mean.)
Statistics about Children and Divorce
1. Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.” (Furstenberg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill, “Life Course”)
2. Among the millions of children who have seen their parents divorce, one of every 10 will also live through three or more parental marriage breakups. (The Abolition of Marriage, Gallagher)
3. Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. (Wade, Horn and Busy, “Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform” Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997)
4. Of all children born to married parents this year, fifty percent will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach their 18th birthday. (Fagan, Fitzgerald, Rector, “The Effects of Divorce On America)
The EMOTIONALLY Damaging Statistics about children and divorce
5. Studies in the early 1980’s showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around. (Andrew J. Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage –Harvard University Press 1981)
6. Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year. (Peter Hill “Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)
7. Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems. (Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988)
These statistics about children and divorce are pretty shocking, aren’t they?
The DEATH of a parent is LESS devastating to a child than a DIVORCE. (Even I wouldn’t believe this if I didn’t see the statistic myself.)
The PHYSICALLY Damaging Statistics About Children and Divorce
statistics about children and divorce
8. Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well Being” National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)
9. Following divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families. (Angel, Worobey, “Single Motherhood and Children’s Health”)
10. Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-being” Journal of Marriage and the Family)
11. Most victims of child molestation come from single-parent households or are the children of drug ring members. (Los Angles Times 16 September 1985 The Garbage Generation)
12. A Child in a female-headed home is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered. (The Legal Beagle, July 1984, from “The Garbage Generation”)
This is what I mean when I said “these statistics on divorce and children could save a child’s life someday.” Did you read #12? A child raised by his/her mother is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered.
The Long Term Effects and Statistics About Children and Divorce
13. A study of children six years after a parental marriage breakup revealed that even after all that time, these children tended to be “lonely, unhappy, anxious and insecure. (Wallerstein “The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1991)
14. Seventy percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes. (Horn, Bush, “Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform)
Problems Relating to Peers
15. Children of divorce are four times more likely to report problems with peers and friends than children whose parents have kept their marriages intact. (Tysse, Burnett, “Moral Dilemmas of Early Adolescents of Divorced and Intact Families. Journal of Early Adolescence 1993)
16. Children of divorce, particularly boys, tend to be more aggressive toward others than those children whose parents did not divorce. (Emery, “Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment, 1988)
Suicide Statistics About Children and Divorce
17. People who come from broken homes are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not come from broken homes. (Velez-Cohen, “Suicidal Behavior and Ideation in a Community Sample of Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1988)
High School Drop Out Statistics About Children and Divorce
18. Children of divorced parents are roughly two times more likely to drop out of high school than their peers who benefit from living with parents who did not divorce. (McLanahan, Sandefur, “Growing Up With a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps” Harvard University Press 1994)
I can’t stress how important it is to know all the facts before you get a divorce. Your child’s life is in your hands. If you’re seriously considering divorce and you haven’t attempted to save your marriage , I’ve just given you 18 reasons why it’s at least worth a try to keep your family together.
Lilly Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 2:54 am
A solution would be to offer the option of divorce.
Like the person above you said, divorce is merely a tool, not a cause or symptom of a troubled society.
Have you ever been to Europe? I am a holder of a Schengen Visa, and if you say that Europe’s younger people is screwed up–well then, I’ll gladly have a “screwed up” generation than what we have right here: a bunch of entitled kids who could not accept the concept of summer jobs and twenty-somethings who could not bear to live out of mom and pop’s house.
No, people there aren’t so effed up as you might imagine. In Europe there are sex shops, there are porn in the newsstands, and there is porn in evening TV. But you know what? People there are more level-headed and polite, and they treat what we consider total taboo–sex–as a reality. It actually helps if one knows what they’re talks about. But I digress.
In any case, divorce should be offered as a viable option, much like the reproductive bill. Not all marriages are perfect, and not all are workable.
In case everyone here forgets, Philippines is one of the very few countries without divorce. Don’t tell me the rest of the states who choose to “uphold the sanctity of marriage” are all populated with broken families! Heh.
Lilly Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 3:02 am
Also kusinero, thanks for the trivia, but get back to me when you’ve finally compiled the divorce statistics and trivia for the rest of the world, thank you very much.
Everyone knows that US is effed up beyond salvation. But I jest!
I am a Catholic. I will not share about Bible verses that disallow divorce because if you ask me, the Bible should NOT be used as the guide in creating laws of the Republic by virtue of separation of Church and State. If they want Catholic dogma as basis, then REMOVE THE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE from the Constitution, and HAVE OTHER FAITHS BE REPRESENTED in any legislative discussion that involves faith and morals.
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kusinero Reply:
I agree, because firstly, the catholic church does not have monopoly over the bible. Catholics are not the only Christians in this world. Secondly, the values ingrained in the bible is true for everyone, be it muslim, buddhist or shinto. No matter where you go, there is always a law against murder, stealing, adultery, etc. You no longer need to have a legislative discussion over “morality” with things that are naturally embedded in the psyche of man.
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