Slightly Older Humour

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE:

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humour was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liners' from the man who was known for his clean humour. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas . .

3. I take my Wife everywhere;
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my Wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down !"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My Wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburettor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage ?"
The driver said, "No, jump in !".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my Wife in 18 months.
I just don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My Wife asked, "What's on the TV ?"
I said, "Dust !".

Can't you just hear him say all of these ? I love it. These were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun and he always ended his programme with the words,

"And May God Bless You", with a great big smile on his face.