7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People

I often teach about happiness and what has become exceedingly clear is this: There are seven qualities chronically unhappy people have mastered.

According to Psychology Today, University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: "40 percent of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change."

If this is true and it is, there's hope for us all. There are billions of people on our planet and clearly some are truly happy. The rest of us bounce back and forth between happiness and unhappiness depending on the day.

Throughout the years, I've learned there are certain traits and habits chronically unhappy people seem to have mastered. But before diving in with you, let me preface this and say: we all have bad days, even weeks when we fall down in all seven areas.

The difference between a happy and unhappy life is how often and how long we stay there.

Here are the 7 qualities of chronically unhappy people.

1. Your default belief is that life is hard.

Happy people know life can be hard and tend to bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess, and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.

Perseverance towards problem-solving versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.

2. You believe most people can't be trusted.

I won't argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people, versus assuming everyone is out to get them. Generally open and friendly towards people they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart.

Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they meet and assume that strangers can't be trusted. Unfortunately this behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an inner-circle and thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.

3. You concentrate on what's wrong in this world versus what's right.

There's plenty wrong with this world, no arguments here, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what's actually right in this world and instead focus on what's wrong. You can spot them a mile away, they'll be the ones complaining and responding to any positive attributes of our world with "yeah but".

Happy people are aware of global issues, but balance their concern with also seeing what's right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world in fear they might be distracted from what's wrong. Happy people keep it in perspective. They know our world has problems and they also keep an eye on what's right.

4. You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy.

Unhappy people believe someone else's good fortune steals from their own. They believe there's not enough goodness to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy and resentment.

Happy people know that your good luck and circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve. Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can't be duplicated or stolen from -- by anyone on the planet. They believe in unlimited possibilities and don't get bogged down by thinking one person's good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.

5. You strive to control your life.

There's a difference between control and striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there's very little control over what life throws their way.

Unhappy people tend to micromanage in effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic display when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when life delivers a curve-ball.

The key here is to be goal-oriented and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling apart when the best laid plans go awry- because they will. Going with the flow is what happy people have as plan B.

6. You consider your future with worry and fear.

There's only so much rent space between your ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus what might go right.

Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they'd like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space with constant worry and fear.

Happy people experience fear and worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person's mind, they'll ask themselves if there's an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening (there's responsibility again) and they take it. If not, they realize they're spinning in fear and they lay it down.

7. You fill your conversations with gossip and complaints.

Unhappy people like to live in the past. What's happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice. When they run out of things to say, they'll turn to other people's lives and gossip.

Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life.

Obviously none of us are perfect. We're all going to swim in negative waters once in a while, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything perfectly.

Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It's in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.

Post adapted with permission Daily Transformations
photo via Unsplash by Volkan Olmez

The Philippines: A Twisted Culture – A Ladyboy – And A U.S. Marine*

by Jacques Phillip • December 24, 2014 • 0 Comments

A man suspected of being Pvt. Pemberton is seen with Jeffrey ‘Jennifer’ Laude on a security camera, ascending the stairs at the hotel.

There are certain things you just don’t do. We’ll skip the long list of no-no’s and get straight to the point at hand. One does NOT dress up like a cute little girl, with a skirt and makeup, and then go out and find oneself a U.S. Marine, lead him to believe you are a girl, then go to a hotel for some boom-boom:

Before we go any further, let’s have a quick history of the Philippines, shall we?

The first time the United States liberated the Philippine Islands was in 1898 during the Spanish American War. Spain had occupied the chain of 7,101 islands in the South Pacific for 433 years at the time.

The second time the U.S. freed the tiny island nation was from Japan during WWII. After both times the U.S. liberated the Philippines, the Philippines remained as a U.S. territory, much like Guam or Puerto Rico, and showed promising, prosperous futures. However, both times, the Philippines eventually demanded their sovereignty and shortly after receiving it, slid back into the third world rut they find themselves in today, though it is 2014, and national poverty is something the West cannot even understand.

Much of the problem in the Philippines, like in any third world nation, has to do with corruption. It is no secret that the political system in the Philippines is very corrupt, with former President Gloria Arroyo currently incarcerated and going through hearings over her graft charges, which has also ensnared enumerable sitting politicians at the National level.

However, as is the case in much of Asian culture, the idea of deception and corruption does not stop at those who hold political office. It is a deeply engrained part of everyday life in many ways. It is seen with the ‘little white lies’ people within the culture often tell each other to get what they want, but is most obvious through such displays as the assessment of the ‘skin tax’ with foreigners. This is where the price of goods or services for almost anything is almost double, and sometimes more, for customers who are not from that particular Asian country, say, like the Philippines, or people who are referred to locally as “foreigners.” In the Philippines, it is accepted as gospel among most locals that all foreigners are rich, and their luxurious state of affluence is justification for taking advantage of them in any way, shape, or form.

Within 24 hours of the story breaking. Activists and other idiots were bitching in front of the US Embassy. Without ever doing their homework on the story.

Unfortunately, in October, while a battery of U.S. Marines were taking a break outside of Manila, one such local, 26 year old Jeffrey Laude learned the unfortunate way, that the concept of deeply ingrained deception in one’s culture does not mix well when co-mingling with someone from Western Culture, namely with a U.S. Marine.

Private First Class Joseph Scott Pemberton is a 19 year old U.S. Marine who is currently sitting in a small space in Manila, Philipipnes being jointly guarded by U.S. Marines and Philippines military personnel. He is facing trial for either murder, or manslaughter (yet to be determined which) for Mr. Laude’s October death. You see, it is believed that PFC. Pemberton had picked up a young lady on the street, or in a club, or any number of places one can pick up a young lady in the Philippines, and had gone to a cheap hotel room for sex, only to find out that ‘she’ was a ‘he.’

Pemberton may or may not have strangled and drowned Mr. Laude in the toilet bowl of the cheap hotel room out of an act of rage after having discovered the truth of his situation, an act of which he now stands accused. There may have been someone else in the room, and Pemberton may have been acting out of self-defense (one of the common scams in the Philippines is for the ladyboys to go around under the guise of real women, robbing foreigners and even locals – last year five ladyboys murdered an American veteran in Mindanao and to date no investigation has even been opened). The truth may or may not come out in court, but the sad fact remains, that as long as hundreds, if not thousands of sailors, soldiers and marines spend any amount of time in the Philippines, in order to protect the island nation from a seemingly aggressive China, something needs to be done to make sure that the American service members are being protected from the deceptive culture which is far too prevalent in the Philippines.

The U.S. Navy had originally had nine more port stops scheduled in the Philippines for the remainder of the year 2014, but in light of the Pemberton incident has cancelled all calls to port in the Philippines. We can only hope, for the protection of our brave men and women who have enlisted to fight for the free world, that this action continues, and any co-mingling of the service members with what will inevitably end up being far too many locals looking to take advantage of them, will be extremely limited and supervised in the future.

*Originally titled: What Happens When A Shemale Tries To Assault A U.S. Marine With Its ‘You Know What’ By: Timothy Tuttle, for The Patriot Newswire

The Dark Reality of Iglesia Ni Cristo Revealed

by Albert Anastasia • August 21, 2014 

*Malaya Dela Cruz. A young member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo questions the teachings she has grown up with.

I’ve been an Iglesia Ni Cristo (INC) member since I was born and my father is a minister. My siblings and I were raised to behold as absolute truth all doctrines without question. As kids, we’re brazen to tell our friends, “Convert to Iglesia; otherwise, you’ll end up in hell.”

We’re flying with wings of righteousness holding the light to guide those lost in the darkness, we call sanlibutan; completely convinced that we’re indeed the chosen ones come judgment day. All we have to do is follow like sheep and salvation is certain. This is my myopic reality.

Into the darkness

Coming of age, I learned our creationist view is indubitably wrong given the insurmountable evidences against it, yet I find this mistake tolerable; assuming perhaps a scientifically-informed interpretation of the bible isn’t necessary for salvation. I was indifferent about this just as I am in overriding any of my rights for the sake of unity; trusting that it’s always for the good of the church.

What became unbearable is having my consciousness raised about the multi-dimensional causes of poverty. I cannot unlearn what I know now – that the terrible social realities we dismiss right before our eyes as normal is caused by injustice from existing power structures in society.

It was alarming for I was undeniably guilty of being part of a church responsible for reinforcing structures that sustain poverty through our social attitude and practice of ‘unity.’

We are INC first before we are Filipinos

It is our faith, albeit fatalistic, that the world will inevitably perish and no developmental agenda by man could prevent it; we are only travelers here for our true residence is the kingdom of heaven. Hence, we resign concern about matters outside our kingdom unless it might undermine doctrines or the church administration.

We show power in numbers through bloc-voting and secure key positions in the government in order to protect the interests of the church, never mind whether it’s a corrupt official as long as the church is secured. This is why INC was indifferent during the People Power I despite all the atrocious harm done towards the Filipino people – all because we allied with former president Ferdinand Marcos, the dictator.

Culture of apathy

Since our primary concern is the good of the church and not of the people in general, an apathetic attitude towards social issues is fostered among members.

We’re prohibited to participate in any form of social mobilization or unions because it’s against the unity of the church, even if such actions addresses concerns that directly affect the welfare of members.

Greedy corporations who operate with inhumane policies are fortunate as INC members are willing allies to preserve an unfair system. We abstain claiming accountability from power-holders in the name of ‘peace.’ – a peace that is oblivious of its implications.

Yes, we’re an obedient flock of docile sheep but we’re also subtle criminals and dignified perpetrators of injustices against our fellowmen. With brilliant pride we take the side of the oppressors.

Our brand of humanitarianism

The provision of generous aid to millions of non-members through medical missions, relief distributions and housing projects are token gestures, for “conversion” is our utmost motivation by exploiting the sense of debt of gratitude.

INC’s brand of humanitarianism does not involve championing the interest and welfare of the poor by addressing root causes of social issues. Our humanitarian cause is the ‘noblest’ of all: to save your soul from damnation by converting you to the one true Church of Christ.

Masters of mobilization

We’re taught that hardships and misfortunes in life are either caused by sin or are trials we must endure. However, evidence suggests that societal structures and how its citizens participate in shaping it in the course of history is the concrete reason for the everyday struggles of today. Poverty is avoidable, development is a choice.

The public witnessed INC’s power to amass more than a million people in its administrations’ behest. If the church could use its clout to truly help the nation by addressing long term needs and root causes of perennial social issues – such as lobbying and supporting genuine agrarian reform, a fair wage and other issues that affect the marginalized majority, where many of its own members come from, we shall contribute to societal change.

Aren’t we humans first?

My conscience is disturbed when I saw my fellow brethren exalt upon news of famine, war, destruction and calamities where thousands of people lay dead. Some even said, “The people are sinful. We should be happy because our salvation is near.” They seem to forget we’re humans first before we even subscribe to any religion.

Design of the Philippine Arena

‘Saving your soul’ as a single mission is quite selfish in the face of human suffering. I understand it stems from fear and existential uncertainties, but It’s wrong to choose a convenient personal escape and say “if you want to be saved, join us,” instead of engaging in collective action driven by empathy and compassion.

We glory over the Philippine Arena, Guinness records, and the thousands of congregations we’ve built like the elite ruler gloating over his empire.

There is harm in a mentality of exclusivity when we operate in the context of a larger society. Imagining a fragmented reality wherein we are only travelers goes against the truth that we have a responsibility to contribute and cooperate in facilitating change in the world. We can do this by renouncing apathy and using our power to mobilize for the good of people.

*Malaya Dela Cruz is a pseudonym. Rappler originally ran the above story, and verified the identity of the insider, who had requested her real name be concealed for her protection. She is currently a university student, somewhere in the Philippines.

We here at Cross Over felt it our duty to re-publish this story. Personal experience has shown we firmly believe INC will “convince” Rappler to pull the story, claiming more lies.

AirAsia #QZ8501 disappearance highlights disturbing aspects of Southeast Asian air travel industry

December 29, 2014

by benign0

Less than 24 hours into the disappearance of AirAsia Flight QZ8501 and, already, conspiracy theorists are at work reading into the minutiae of minimal information being released by official sources. That QZ8501 is the third Malaysian aircraft (after Malaysian Airlines MH370 vanished with 239 people in March and, another, MH17 carrying 298 people was shot down over the Ukraine in July) has been noted foremost. There is unlikely to be any relationship between the three accidents.

Flight QZ8501 is owned and operated by AirAsia Indonesia which makes it an Indonesian airline although its parent company which owns a 49 percent stake is Malaysian. AirAsia, until now, has enjoyed a generally trouble-free existence. Indonesia, however, has a less than sterling aviation safety record. A string of crashes over the mid-1990s through to the mid-2000s and later resulted in all Indonesian airlines being banned from flying over European airspace from 2007-2009. Post-2009, Indonesian budget airline Lion Air, however, is still blacklisted by the European Union. It’s had no less than seven accidents since 2002 with its most recent mishap happening in 2013 when one of its brand-new Beoing 737-800s crashed in Bali. Fortunately the 108 people on board survived.

Indonesian aviation spotty record: Lion Air crash in 2013. No passengers killed

(Source: News.com.au)

Southeast Asia is home to a rapidly-growing civil aviation industry and a key challenge to this growth has long been the availability of competent pilots, aircraft mechanics and air traffic controllers. Because much of Southeast Asian countries are made up of many islands, its inhabitants have always been dependent on sea and air travel, with services often operated by monopolistic — and often crooked — businesses enterprises until recently. With increasing affluence owing to the region’s famously fast-growing economies, air travel has literally taken off. Indonesia is one of the world’s fastest growing air travel markets according to the International Airt Transport Association (IATA).

The Philippines is also among the world’s fastest-growing air travel markets. AirAsia also operates a subsidiary in the Philippines, AirAsia Philippines and is chaired by Antonio “Tonyboy” Cojuangco, a cousin of current Philippine President Benigno Simeon “BS” Aquino III. AirAsia Philippines took delivery of two units of the same Airbus 320 flown as AirAsia Indonesia’s Flight 8501. Budget airlines operating in the Philippines have also had a spotty safety and service track record. In June, 2013, an Airbus 320 of the Philippines’ top budget carrier Cebu Pacific, skidded off the runway at Davao City International Airport shutting down airport operations for more than 3 days and resulted in the cancellation of numerous flights in and out of that city. None of the passengers were harmed. In 1998, Cebu Pacific Flight 387 flying from Manila to Cagayan de Oro crashed killing 104 people on board. In both crashes, there was strong evidence of human error.

Cebu Pacific also figured in a very recent public relations disaster which will likely cost it dearly. The “Great Cebu Pacific Christmapocalypse of 2014″ is blamed for shoddy management practices that have come to characterise airline operations in the Philippines. The snafu caused by a string of delayed Cebu Pacific flights resulted in massive chaos at Manila’s Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) on Christmas Day, 2014 that caused widespread anger and may possibly attract a Congressional inquiry into Cebu Pacific’s management practices.

According Harvard Business Review writer Oliver Segovia, Cebu Pacific is “a horrible airline” because its management team is “not right for the job”. Segovia cites publicly-available information on Cebu Pacific’s business operations to reveal disconnects between its stellar revenue growth and investment in staff and training. Most notably, the Cebu Pacific Board is severely deficient in collective airline experience and its membership is laced with family ties. Segovia notes:

[…] this is a board stacked with lawyers, family members, and insiders. It’s a board designed to preserve control and mitigate risk, rather than to strive for operational excellence and competitiveness.

It’s also a board filled with old people. The average age of the Cebu Pacific Board is 65 (and that is helped by Lance and Frederick. 5 out of 9 Directors – a majority! – are above 73 years old).

Interestingly, Segovia cites AirAsia Malaysia as an example to highlight the misguided investment priorities of Cebu Pacific, highlighting that the Malaysian carrier spends six times more on people than Cebu Pacific. Segovia points out that despite Cebu Pacific’s Revenue Passenger Kilometer (RPK) metric growing 12.1 percent in 2013, its staff cost grew by only 2 percent in the same year. No information is available on how much of that scrimping is copped by maintenance and piloting staff, however. Segovia also notes that the “average age of the [AirAsia Malaysia] board is 53″ compared to 73 for Cebu Pacific.

Like AirAsia Philippines, AirAsia Indonesia is also minority held by its Malaysian parent company with 51 percent controlled by “Indonesian Shareholders” according to the AirAsia website.

Law-abiding Filipinos are getting sick of law-breaking Filipinos

December 26, 2014

by benign0

Some of us Get Real Post writers are often criticised about the way we generalise Filipinos. Indeed, to be fair, there are hundreds of articles here that explore from every angle and at every level of depth, the country’s renowned collective criminality, its petty anti-intellectual political discourse, the routine mediocrity of Filipinos’ undertakings, and the lack of imagination and originality that characterise Philippine arts.

Badly-behaved Filipino police officers undermine the credibility of the entire force.

Source: Photo tweeted by @InquirerDotNet.

It is quite understandable, then, that some Filipinos take exception to these generalisations. Huwag niyo naman nilalahat. Don’t make it look likeall Filipinos are crooks, stupid, unmotivated, or suffer from bad taste, those who beg to differ say. All true, of course. Certainly, not all Filipinos fit the archetype painted by the generalisations any more than the notions that all Japanese are industrious or that all Germans are engineering geniuses, or that all French or Italian people are fashionable.

It is true that some Filipinos are honest and law abiding, apply an intelligent mind to solving problems and making sense of the world, aspire to excellence and greatness, and exhibit inspired groundbreaking artistry. The question is, where are these exceptional Filipinos? Why are they not more representative of Philippine society as a whole? Why is it that it is the most dysfunctional elements of our society that come to symbolise the character of our nation?

The best start to a journey towards answering these hard questions is to regard the problem of rampant crime in Philippine society. As a democracy, there is a system in place that provides hard measures around what traits are most valued by ordinary people — elections. Filipino politicians are all elected to office by popular vote. As such, one only needs to look at a good cross section of the sorts of characters that make up their Executive and Legislative branches to get a good feel of the Filipino character. The numbers say it all. The exact degree to which criminality is represented in the Philippines’ elected public offices ismeasurable.

Suffice to say, enough has been observed and written about the character of Filipino politicians in power to make this straightforward conclusion:

In the Philippines, dishonesty wins.

We need look no further beyond Congress, which has been described as the biggest crime syndicate in the country, than the first-class way with which the Philippines’ prison system pampers the worst of Filipino criminals. Or the way even the most unfortunate of their lot, victims of terrible calamities, are stolen blind by the very people entrusted to help them.

Small surprise that small and exceedingly rare acts of honesty performed by Filipinos often make big headline news. To be honest in the Philippines is to be off character.

Filipino politicians mirror the character of their constituents.

What happened to all the honest Filipinos, then? Where are they? Why did they simply stand back and allow dishonesty to march up and claim the top spot in the Philippines’ food chain?

Well, apart from honest Filipinos being vastly outnumbered, perhaps it is also because being honest takes a lot of hard work and a lot of brains. To be able to explain the fundamental principles that are the foundation of an honest and just society takes a lot of skill and patience. For example, whenever there are elections, take (1) the approach traditionally taken to spinning a politician into a winnable candidate and compare it with (2) the ideal way, that of pitching that candidate’s ideas and the way he organises these into a coherent platform.

Which of the two is harder?

Nature always follows a crooked path. Natural waterways like rivers and streams, for example, are never straight as they curve in and out of natural landscapes. On the other hand, man-made engineered waterways like canals, aqueducts, and pipes follow logical patterns often made up of straight stretches.

The fortunes of Filipinos behave much the same way as water flowing through a natural landscape. If we continue to allow Filipinos’ natural traditional character to dictate how these fortunes flow, these will follow a crooked path. Only when we find a way to engineer and build the right social structures to modify the Filipino character to allow for straighter paths to be built, will the possibility of a brighter future be within our country’s reach.

Honest Filipinos should lead the way to build the foundation for that hoped-for brighter future, not the crooked people the majority routinely choose to govern them. Law-abiding Filipinos need to be better-represented not just in government but in the broader challenge of shaping the world’s perception of our society’s collective character.

Classy People From The Past Who Remind Us What "Cool" Really Means!

Our society has come a long way in the past few decades but we've completely forgotten what it's like to be classy. 

6 time Golden Globe winner Paul Newman boating in Venice during a film festival (1963)

The gorgeous necklines of the 1950s

Audrey Hepburn at a premiere on September 14, 1953.

A young Harrison Ford

A young boy stealing the show, back when middle school kids knew how to dance (1950)

Clint Eastwood with actresses Olive Sturgess and Dani Crayne in San Francisco, 1954

The original way to 'text' in Class (1944)

A gang of greasers in NYC, 1950

Caroline Kennedy walks ahead while her father, the most powerful man in the world, carries her doll. (1960)

Teenagers and their first car (1950s)

Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau and his cabinet - 1968. These men knew how to wear a suit.

Sophia Loren, one of the only actresses to win an Oscar, Grammy, and Golden Globe awards.

A famous quote of hers: "Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got."

Ellen O'Neal, the greatest woman freestyle skateboarder in the 1970s.

A man ice skating in a suit (1937)

This is how teenagers dated in the 1950s

High school fashion feature in Life Magazine (1969)

Frank Sinatra stepping out of a helicopter with a drink

Dean Martin & Angie Dickinson on the set of Rio Bravo, 1959

Girl with typewriter and a smoke

A stylish couple in the rain in London (1963)

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip at the horse races (1968)

Muhammad Ali looking dapper

Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger sit opposite each other on a train to Bangor . (1967)

A salesman has his motorized roller skates refueled at a gas station (1961)

A young Michael Caine in 1959

Girl on a scooter (1969)

Ernest Hemingway's striking passport photo (1923)

The definition of old school cool. Cary Grant in the 1950s

The people we aspired to be, decades ago, were much different than the celebrities young people looked up to today. 

The values of our past have nearly vanished, but I'm hoping that if everyone sees this, theymight think differently about what "cool" was yesterday and what is considered "cool" today. . .  really isn't. 

Share and remind everyone what "cool" used to be like!