Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're having sex with your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them cos I wasn't even at home yesterday."
Mick walks into Chris's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jesus Chris, what ya doing?" Chris says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attracter.
Paddy says to Mick 'I'm ready for a holiday, and this year I'm doing it a bit different. Three years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.' Mick asks, 'So what are you going to do this year?' Paddy replies,'I'm taking her with me!'
Paddy goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue. He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows. He shouts up , - I'm Paddy John Dara O'Neill, the Irish rugby player, jump and I'll catch ya. A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her, a guy jumps and Paddy gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up - Come on now folks, there's no point throwin down the burnt ones!!
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year". Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a policestation. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just feckin wet mine."
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