I came across an article on Rappler about What they don’t tell you when you leave the Philippines. In a nutshell, the author Shakira Sison says “We are told about the wonderful things that happen when we make it out of our own country, but never once told how much it will hurt to lose our home”. The author’s point of view is not uncommon among some Fil-ams. It is an outcome of her experience of the diaspora.
However, I take a different tack and assert that leaving the Philippines does not equate to “the pain of losing home”, rather it resonates with “the joy of expanding my backyard“.
I left the Philippines because I would like to see what others are doing in order to achieve their dreams– while Filipinos wallow in self-pity and focus on their poverty (hint: law of attraction – Filipinos attract what they think of always – POVERTY, CORRUPTION, GOVERNMENT).
I figured there’s gotta be more to life than surrounding myself with Filipinos. It was that spark of a thought that led me to one of the best decisions I made in my life. One that that took me on a trajectory of seeing the various facets of life outside the Philippines. There had to be more to life than watching the same family names pass an elective government position as if it were a family heirloom.
I didn’t feel the hurt of “losing our home” – I was excited that I was finally discarding a way of life that no longer works for me, and gaining a new one in the process. I was raring for new lessons, new challenges, new friends, new ways of thinking (not the same old boring predictable pinoy life) – and most of all, to discover the stuff I was made of.
Yes, there were challenging times – and from the bottom of my heart, I thank all those times for making me discover new aspects of myself that I was able to manifest. Those challenging times were my teachers. The lessons I learned were worth every moment – every experience, sight, sound, taste, feeling, every muscle pain, every sweat, every tear, every breath, and the joy of the journey and the destination.
I never missed the “sound of home” – not the jeepneys and the takataks – no mam. I took to the smooth roads, the ease and speed at which I get to where I wanted to be, on time, all the time, sans the aggravation. Every moment on the wide open roads lined with trees, reminded me how my countrymen are being cheated of a better deal. Their minds jacked, by a criminal gang of PCOS appointed personalities and the oligarchs that pull their strings. The fraud continues, Filipinos remain mindless to the deception pulled over their eyes – handing their power away. But that’s a topic for another day.
So, what exactly have I learned since I left the Philippines?
Before anything else, when I left, I did not set any expectations, I was open to all the possibilities which in my view were not present in the Philippines. I felt the necessity to travel and see what exactly was outside the Philippines that the local businesses were so afraid of. Were foreigners really evil? Or are our opinions being made for us by people who don’t have our best interests at hand.
So many questions – and I intended to find answers, raise new questions, consider new ideas (for instance, is it the government’s role to ensure our personal success as most Filipinos have accepted unquestioningly- or is that our role?
Thanks to Shakira and Rappler, I was inspired to write.
Here’s a sprinkling of what I learned.
1 – I have learned that Filipinos are not the center of the universe – and that behind every spoken word of endearment lies a universal language – Love.
I have learned that nationalities like “Filipino” are artificial social constructs, there is no such thing as a Filipino race, only the human race – that underneath the labels of “Filipino”, “Mexican”, “Chilean”, Boricuan”, “Brazilian” – is a person, a human being, with the same dreams and passions – you learn that we have more in common than the labels which divides us.
I have learned that behind these labels, is a person, an individual, with unique talents, gifts, flaws, strengths – just like me and other Filipinos. Thus when on a train, it does not matter what the nationality of another passenger is, what matters to me, is that I conduct myself as a decent human being that has empathy for people in need of relief – woman, child, elderly, the disabled.
2 – I learned to be more resourceful.
I had fun learning how to dress for the cold. I read the magazines, GQ, Esquire, Playboy – lots of good stuff on how to dress for winter, spring, summer, and fall. I read stuff on the Internet. I observed people. I asked my friends. I went into the stores – and found the outfit that made sense to me. It did not take seasons of trial and error – it was more like a couple of days. The delay was caused by the smorgasbord of choices, styles, and brands. I walked through blizzards. Waited for a cab in below zero temperature. Learned to reduce my electric bill during fall, winter, and spring. I learned to be more mindful.
3 – I learned the value of my work and how to stretch it.
Lots of exciting stuff – and experience, and in each moment – a comparison of how it is in the Philippines. Our choices of shopping are limited to SM and Ayala only. There’s no Macy’s, JC Penney, Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, or Target, or Walmart. And for the really value conscious shopper, the outlets are a blessing – brands that are sold in SM for an arm and a leg, -you can get them at 70% off the MSRP – and on certain days – no sales taxes.
Then there’s the return and exchange policy – PRICELESS!!! When I remember how Ayala or SM or Robinsons or Gaisano don’t have return and exchange policies, breath a sigh of relief. I am so glad to be out of there – an NO, am not missing the no return no exchange policy for overpriced overtaxed merchandise from last season.
4 – I learned that if you can’t stand the cold – get a shot of vodka or head down to the sunny south.
I learned how to walk in the snow, didn’t have to shovel either. In winter’s dark nights, the tropics never hit my mind, my friends and I were having eggnogs, vodka, talking over the fireplace – it was different. And when I felt I had enough of the snow, I headed down south to sunny beaches, and palms, and various cultures. Get on the plane or get into a car, hit the freeway, and cover the East Coast via I-95. You will cover more miles in an hour than a jeepney can move 4 kilometers in 3 hours in the hot tropical streets of polluted grimy Manila… YUCK!
5 – I learned new ways to enjoy food – and expanded my palate along the way.
There is no tsokolate but – there’s hot chocolate – Dunkin Donuts, Mickey Ds, maybe a latte at Paneras? Or brew your own, with a Keurig? It’s a good opportunity to learn that cacao grows outside the Philippines.
Maybe there’s no taho, but if you check out the food section you might come across silken soft tofu,grab a can of tapioca pearl and wisk yourself a brown sugar syrup aka arnibal. Or maybe, you are too busy working on your yogurt to even think of taho.
You will not find caramelized plaintains bobbing in oil on the street – BUT Pollo Tropical or any Cuban, Venezuelan, hispanic food place – will serve you the caramelized plaintains after the oil has been drained, on a plate, on your table. It is an opportunity to learn that the caramelized plantain is a Spanish influence – and recall how the Philippines was governed out of Mexico City.
You will not find green mangoes in Walmart – but you can find green mangoes in the Asian stores, and the hispanic stores like Bravo or Fancy Fruits. You learn that the green mango is another spanish influence – and is not endemic to the Philippnes.
I never drooled from friends photos of lanzones, mangosteen, rambutan, and atis – I can get them from the Asian stores in East Colonial Drive in Orlando – those fruits are being grown in greenhouses in South Florida. I even have durian from Thailand. Guyabano from Mexico. Then there’s more fruits – blue berries, black berries, kiwis, tamarinds, cherries, table grapes, pomegranate. And then there’s mymalunggay (moringa) in the backyard, with lemon grass (tanglad), calamansi, and siling labuyo(cayenne pepper).
I can always find a sausage that is garlicky, sweet, and hot – these are in my freezer. You will learn that chorizo is also made by entrepreneurial Filipinos who have chosen to put their roots in their new home.
I admit that I used to have cravings for pork belly – but things change. I learned to respect my body and not subject it to the stress of cholesterol laden food – and consciously choose healthier alternatives. I learned that I can actually live without lechon kawali, pork belly. In doing so, I became healthier. Once in awhile I hear news about a contemporary in the Philippines who died from heart disease – and I think, pork belly, am not missing you.
Nobody will object to your frying tuyo in your own house or apartment unit. However, you learn to be considerate. That barriotic attitude of playing your music loud so that the neighbors can hear it gotta go. If you haven’t learned the meaning of respect and consideration, you will learn quickly how to stand up for one’s self – and communicate. Unlike the Philippines where people just complain and do nothing. I am not missing that too.
5. I learned that there is no one correct way to speak English – each culture has made adoptations to the language. What matters is that we communicate nothing but the whole truth.
English-wise, I am glad that I grew up on Sesame Street, watched HBO and Comedy Central, Justice League, Batman and Robin, Spiderman – so communicating with a native speaker wasn’t an issue – it was fun picking up on the nuances. English the language itself can be spoken in different ways – a Brit, an Irishman, a Bostonian, a Canadian, an Australian, a Northerner, and a Southerner – all speak English, then there’s Ebonics. And you learn more creative ways of expressing yourself than just “anak ng tokwa” – for instance, what the? are you serious? what were you thinking? what is wrong with you? or the hell’s wrong with you… and then there’s the famous four letter words like STFU.
6. I learned that the skills and knowledge that make you valuable in the workplace were all picked up AFTER you left college.
Indeed you will earn a decent wage in a stronger currency. You will learn that the Philippine educational system is OUT OF TOUCH with the rest of the world, we protect and hide the lousy schools – public and private from foreign competition – then wonder why Filipino schools have a hard time competing. Here’s the beautiful thing – what matters in these workplaces is what you know – and not so much about your education, experiences, and skills – those are just to help you get into the door. You will learn to be more discerning of who you are – as you unplug yourself from the pinoy cultural memes that do not serve you. Remind yourself, if you are not open to the new experiences coming your way, just stay in the Philippines – take the LRT, drive on EDSA,
It’s not so much about fitting in really, rather it is about standing out – to go above and beyond, go the extra mile – that’s what puts you on the cutting edge, you learn new ways of doing things, more efficient ways, more cost effective ways, more value adding ways – ways that will have a hard time getting traction in the Philippines – because – Filipinos are afraid of real change. They talk about change, they dance about change, they give speeches about change – except actually changing.
Think about it – a PCOS appointed president in 2010 – another PCOS president in 2016 – and people are still voting. I am not missing that definitely. And no, I don’t wanna fit in, I intend to stand out.
7. I learned that homesickness only happens when you lose sight of where home really is – home is inside of you, not outside.
Bouts of homesickness is only for those who still have families in the Philippines.
For those who have already taken their families out – there is no homesickness as you now have more time for each other.
No maids. No in laws.
That means nobody is airing out the the laundry in your closet, to the entire neighborhood
8. I learned its not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get up.
I don’t know about those weakest and most defeated moments overseas. Who or what is being defeated? Is it the person being defeated? Or is it the defeat of of a mindset driven by fear in order to give room for a shift in consciousness – one that is awakened, mindful, and living/manifesting/co-creating in the eternal now. The defeat of mindlessness is a victory for the awakening person.
I can tell you for sure that I don’t have to deal with government employees and their smiles and offers to eat; I do all the paperwork and payment online. Quick, short, sweet, effortless, convenient, stress free – I get to eat with a smile, in the convenience of my lounge chair and 24/7 centralized A/C.
I don’t see how cleaner streets gets in the way of visiting a childhood buddy – in fact it makes it easier specially when a childhood friend is just next door, next town, or next county – they are easily accessible via the expressways, or the airports even. Or, via Internet video call – it’s not like we have PLDT or Globe here.Another thing I will not miss.
I dunno about that recognition thing, I was never into it. I find the recognition aka “sikat/astig” thingie as a nuisance. where you don’t have privacy and there is a constant stream of intrusions of your space. Belonging is overrated, I have always broken away from the pack. I don’t miss the visits really of a tito or a tita really, I would rather have more time for myself, relax, meditate, regenerate. I don’t like sisig either – it’s way too laden with unhealthy fat, I respect my body and am not putting dead animals into it.
9. I learned that an authentic sense of belonging is based on taking ownership of my life – my life belongs to me and mine alone.
When asked where I come from, I just say I am from the island of Mindanao, a Filipino due to the natural accident of being born in the Philippines, Maranao by heritage – and my answer always gets an unbelieving look, like I have never met someone from the Philippines like you, one who calls a spade a spade. One who can talk economics, free markets, civil liberties, global trade, taxation and regulation. As to what “Filipino” is, I dunno what that means really – I deal with living persons not a blank slate.
I dunno about this assimilation thing, in my case, the only adjustment I had to make really was learning how to run my life the way I wanted, being comfortable in my own person and humanity.
10. I learned that life isn’t about the situations I get myself into – it’s about the choices (conscious or otherwise) I make that lead to the situations I find myself in.
Some start with meager skills and evolve. Some remain as is on auto pilot. All of that is a choice.
After all, the decision to remain ignorant in a world overflowing with information – is a choice.
In other words, the eyes are useless when the mind is blind.
11. I learned that home is not a place outside of me, my true home is within me.
The silences, the empty rooms, losing our home?
I can’t relate to the notion that it was hurtful to”lose home” – home is not a fixed geographical space, home is in the heart.
I never left, I am always home. Wherever I am, that is my home.
Leaving the Philippines does not equate to losing my home. I say, it expands my home from an island in the pacific to a home that stretches across the planet.
Where every person is more than their nationality.
Where each person is a unique human being; another likeness of me that is more than his culture, food, and nationality.
Where each person awakens to their YOU-niverse.
12. Lastly, I learned a Mayan phrase that taught me the most profound lesson ever – In Lak’ech A’la Kin.
I am you (In Lak’ech), and you are me (A’la Kin).
What I do to you, I do to myself. What you do to me, you do to yourself.
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