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Sunday, November 22, 2009

MOMENTS FOR REFLECTION

Instead of avoiding challenges, jump into them. Beat the heck and enjoy the game. If your challenges are too large or too numerous, don’t give up. Failing makes you tired. Find more determination, more knowledge & more help.

God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain. He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

Disappointments are like road bumps…they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don’t stay on the bumps too long. Move on!

When you feel down because you didn’t get what you wantjust sit tight & be happy because God has thought of something better to give you. When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.

There’s a purpose to life’s events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard. No one can go back and make a brand new start. But anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

A HISPANIZED PHILIPPINES


Elizabeth Medina, Santiago, Chile

March 30, 2000

Recently a Filipino friend who lives in the U.S., Rafael Onrubia, asked me why I thought it feasible and positive for the Philippines to be hispanized, and my answer was as follows:

The Philippines has 479 years of written history (from 1521 to the present), and 379 of them have been recorded in Spanish. It is a fact that we have a documentary legacy that is untranslated into English and that therefore we are unable to read - a motherlode that has hardly been mined by our historians. Aside from this, the works of modern Spanish historians, who have researched and published innumerable works on our Hispanic culture and past with such dedication and skill, are accumulating in libraries without the Filipinos' being able to make use of such an invaluable store of new contributions.

It is undeniable and curious that the Spanish wrote much on the Philippines, and I suspect that they wrote more about her than about the majority of their American colonies. This surely is due in part to the fact that the Philippines only became independent 88 years after Spanish America. However there can be no doubt that the Philippines in and of herself was a fascinating geographical and cultural space that captured the imagination, scientific interest and human sensibility of the many scholarly Spaniards who spent long years living among the people.

Speaking as a non-expert and basing myself on what I have been able to gather from the few contacts I've had with Filipino academics and their writings, from my own inquiries and those of independent researchers, it seems to me that the Spanish-language documentation overflows with gems that still wait to be rediscovered by the scholars of Philippine history. Our historians have not paid them much attention, preferring to study the writings of Anglo-Saxon historians and the few works written by Spaniards and translated into English, for a very simple reason - because unless one has profoundly assimilated Hispanic language and culture, it is impossible to penetrate the deep, implicit levels of meaning in the documentation.

We therefore have a double magnification of the problem. Filipino historians and scholars cannot read Spanish documents on one hand; on the other, they study their own history by reading Anglo-Saxons' interpretations of the Spanish documents. Thus they study it from third hand, through the cultural filters of researchers who, though they may possess an operative knowledge of the language, nevertheless have cultural filters that invariably select only those contents that reinforce the particular way of knowing that characterizes their non-Hispanic sensibility and understanding. Therefore, no matter how sincere their interest in penetrating into the profound messages ciphered in the documents, they lack the pitons that they need to scale that cultural glacier. Without pitons and all the specialized equipment that only profound experience and study of the culture that has produced that documentary wealth can give, it is impossible to receive its messages and capture its spirit. This is because, even more important than the external information that they offer, is the inner landscape, adequately grasped and then deployed, that equips a researcher for perceiving all the other information - implicit, invisible, unstated - that underlies the external linguistic content.

The result is that, although data and interpretations of apparently great scientific value are accumulated, the human and spiritual significance of that history remains unapprehended.

And if we assume - as I do - that knowledge must always incorporate a cultural and spiritual component that goes far beyond mere accumulation of neutral data, that concerns itself most of all with giving orientation to human development, then this manner of proceeding ought to be corrected and reoriented, without further loss of time and effort.

Culture, I am convinced, is the gold mine of this new century. It is the last undiscovered continent and the greatest wealth of nations. If a people discovers the way to create in other countries a vivid interest in their culture, and they materialize that fascination in marketable products, they can assure themselves of an inexhaustible source of earnings. Spain has created markets for her music, literature, architecture, fashion; Italy has done the same, particularly through her gastronomy and haute couture; Germany with her engineering know-how, her cars; likewise France, and of course, the U.S., whose products fill our homes to overflowing, even our brains, and everywhere on our planet.

The Philippines necessarily must learn to create external markets for her culture, not just the culture of folklore and tradition, which leads to not much more than a proliferation of objects. Most important, the innate talents of the Filipino people, which are already recognized worldwide, must be developed - in the culinary, plastic and visual arts, music, fashion, inventiveness and - something that today is just beginning to arise - the creation of a new literature that gives witness to the marvelous complexity and richness of our historico-cultural experience. All of these things have their deepest roots, their creatives sources, in the culture of the Hispanic-Filipino past.

This, without mentioning another issue of extreme importance, which is the development of our trade relations with the Spanish-speaking countries of the Pacific Rim.

An Invisible World that Refuses to Die

The 377 years of Filipino hispanization gave birth to a culture and a past that some have tried to annihilate and that is still under siege -- but that refuses to disappear and die.

It is a culture and a past that only become visible when -- like the Little Prince of St. Exupéry -- one learns to see with the heart.

If one doesn't know how to speak Spanish fluidly, one cannot realize what a wealth of Castilian words there are in Tagalog and in so many other Filipino dialects. If one doesn't carry Hispanic culture within oneself, one cannot recognize the Hispanic culture that informs and suffuses Filipino social customs and practices.

If one has no familiarity with the landscapes of Spain and Hispanic America, with their imposing buildings from the Middle Ages and the Colonial Era, one will be unable to recognize the Hispanic past whose faithful witnesses are the old churches, homes and towns of the Archipelago.

The Responsibility of the Cultural Guardians of Filipino Society

The fact that the majority of our years of written history took place during the Spanish colonial period and that they are recorded in the idiom of our Hispanic-Filipino culture necessarily places the guardians of culture and education in a position of heavy responsibility. To erase the past is to erase the future. The greatest cultural problem that we Filipìnos face, in my opinion, is that fact that we do not have the habit of reflecting deeply on cultural and educational issues in the Philippines, because as we have said, we were not clarified about the importance of profound culture. Part of the blame rests without doubt on our old Spanish administrators; another on the North American educational system that was implanted afterwards, which necessarily tried to erase the cultural past in order to impose an Anglo-Saxonized present and future. But another portion of blame rests squarely on those who have governed the country and have allowed the love of the old generations for Hispanic-Filipino language and culture to be abandoned under the new conditions of independence, when they surrendered themselves completely to the new foreign power, to the detriment of their own identity and historical legacy.

Therefore, though our new proposal cannot be an attempt to flip the cultural tortilla from one day to the next, and - just as English was imposed on us - to impose Spanish this time, what is indeed indispensable is the modification of the educational canon so that our historians, sociologists, anthropologists, writers, architects - all of our agents and formers of culture - may recover a full awareness of the past and be given the option of undertaking profound studies, whether in the Philippines, in Spain or in Latin America, in Hispanic-Amerasian history and culture, in the Spanish language.

I am likewise convinced that cultural exhange between Hispanic America and the Philippines cannot but lead to a new synthesis that in turn will produce a blossoming of the best in each one of our countries, thanks to the new climate of brotherhood and unity that it will tend to promote. A synthesis that will help lead our relations with Spain to a new level of maturity and mutual cooperation.

The foregoing does not mean that I advocate the separation of the Philippines from her Asian family, which would be absurd, a new backlash under the sign of the very same purism of those who today advocate our fanatic separation from our Western past. The fact is that we Filipinos are a living link between East and West. We come from both worlds, and both worlds are ours. The naturalistic and deterministic look, first of the Spanish and the North Americans, and now of ourselves in front of ourselves, said that we were Indians or Asians and therefore we had to be what we were and nothing more.

And this is the origin and the root of the continuing absurd debate about whether the Philippines should be hispanized once again, or not. When the Philippines has always been hispanized, except that the "Filipinos" born from 1901 onwards rapidly suffered, first of all, a cultural switch and the suppression of the past, and later, the outright deformation and annihilation of their historical consciousness.

In synthesis, I would say, in answer to the question of "Would it be positive for the Philippines to be hispanized once again?" that the Philippines already is hispanized. All that is lacking is for the Filipinos to realize this truth and make it work for their own benefit, to enrich themselves and progress, instead of impoverishing themselves and regressing.

Because regression - unlike progress - has its limits, and it seems to me that we have already reached those limits.

Comment on the article by Alfredo Chicote, a Spaniard born in the Philippines, residing in Madrid, who considers himself Hispanic-Filipino:

"As you know, I am in complete agreement with your thesis. It is a fact, without the Filipinos' knowing it, that the Philippines is a hispanized country. I believe the article is well written and argued. It is necessary to know Spanish in order to dig into one's own past. We must see things as they are: the Philippines - for good or ill - was born as a country under Spanish dominion and her history -- as W.E. Retana well saw it -- must be read in that language, as well as in English, Tagalog, Bisaya, etc.

To give you an example to illustrate your thesis of the deformation of Philippine history, I cite a passage from a tourist brochure that I've just gotten:

"In the 19th century, Spain's colonies were racked by corrupt administration and internal disorder. Liberal ideologies fired the spirits of enlightened manileños (residents of Manila) like Philippine national hero José Rizal, who studied abroad, and Filipino rebel leader Andrés Bonifacio, who read books on revolutionaries and philosophers........"
"But freedom would not come so easily, for the Filipinos found themselves under their erstwhile ally, the Americans. Under the new conqueror, Manila spread outwards, roads and bridges were built and schools taught Filipinos Western culture in a new language -- English. Democratic processes were introduced; and Neo-Classical government edifices rose around the old city..."
Not one word about the Revolution and the war between the United States and the Philippines, which cost more lives, perhaps, than all the years under Spanish rule! And of course, they also taught the Filipinos Western culture -- as if Spain had not done. But Spain, aside from being Western, is also mestiza [of mixed blood] -- is Jewish, Arab, Roman and Phoenician; in other words, she is as mestiza as her former colonies. Therefore perhaps she has a greater capacity to understand the Philippines than the North Americans.

From another brochure, written at least by a Spaniard, I send you this very brief passage:

"When Magellan landed on the island of Homonhon in 1521, he claimed these islands for King Philip II and called them 'Felipinas'." Well, my dear, I don't know who taught this writer his history -- two huge mistakes in just one short sentence! The king at that time was Carlos I, and the name 'Felipinas' was coined by Ruy López de Villalobos in 1542 for part of Mindanao or Leyte -- we do not know with precision. Only with the passing of time was the name used for the entire archipelago. At that time, in 1521, it was known as the Western Isles or the Spice Islands, the latter because it was believed that spices grew there, as in the Moluccas Islands.

In other words, two vivid examples that illustrate your thesis:

An absolute lack of knowledge about one's own past -- no doubt inherited from an equally ignorant "Thomasite" -- that no one throughout the years has bothered to correct.
An utter disregard for the achievements of the Hispanic period. In the Philippines, before the Americans arrived, there was nothing -- only corruption and disorder. Western civilization and democracy reached the islands with Merritt's soldiers (the Cádiz Constitution never existed). And Manila, far from being the vibrant and beautiful city that the chroniclers describe for us (See Morga), did not have a single building worth mentioning, until the "Neoclassical" government buildings were built (might they be copies of those in Washington, D.C.?).
Worst of all, Elizabeth, is that the people who publish these brochures really believe these things. There are a lot of false beliefs that must be changed! Long live Sr. Gómez and his grain of sand![*]

Regards,
Alfredo

[*] Refers to Prof. Guillermo Gémez, Head of the Spanish Department, Adamson University, Manila, who to this day publishes two Spanish-language newspapers in that city.

Friday, November 20, 2009

TRUTH BE TOLD...


Sir Tony Abad,
KOR Connecticut Chapter


You hit the nail right on the head! Let INCOMPETENCE be replaced by competence! Let the fakes be replaced by altruistic and Rizalian Knights!

Lazir tries to report FACTS, not necessarily writing to please anyone, CROOKs especially!

Lazir will apologize, if he did someone something wrong: fat or thin, young or old, female or male, whatever the nationality!

Kindly point to Lazir WHERE he has been "abusive", "unfair", "discourteous", "improper", "impertinent", etc. Be ready to prove your accusations though!

He's not someone other than HIMSELF and he knows his limitations. He's aware though that even the Pope makes mistakes, even Pefecto (his high school pal) made mistakes!

IHQ's Samuela, a lawyer, has been DISPROVED by Lazir that the latter brought "SHAME" upon the KOR and/or the Supreme Council!

Here's how: Lazir began writing in 2006/2007, politely asking questions, trying to be "nice". In the course of time, he found the sources of the WRONGDOINGs: the KOR International Headquarters, or IHQ, identifying Quiambao & Esguerra, and now Samuela!

Is it not a shame for IHQ to hide or cover-up the Mushake donation of approx. Euro 5,000 confirmed by Mushake thru telephone conversation with Lazir, last 2008? Was Mushake lying he donated? No! Not when you know your life could end anytime soon. (May he rest in peace!) He told Lazir the time of donation was about 1999/2000! Quiambao was then Supreme Commander.

Why are these funds not reflected in KOR books? That's a job for incumbent Esguerra to find out, and explain! Why his silence? Why can't IHQ explain, if they're righteous and Rizalian as they claim to be? From 1999-2009 is quite a long time! Esguerra may not comfortably sit there and enjoy free airfare from KOR funds to foreign KOR assemblies! RA 646, Sec 7 calls upon him to ACT! Donations are covered by Sec 7, RA 646.

And Samuela, using his lawyering skills, twisted FACTS and now claims Lazir brought "shame" upon the KOR? He forgot Quiambao who failed to record the approx. Euro 5,000 way back 1999-2000, long before Lazir began asking VALID questions in 2007?

And others (the biggest is Samuela) now jump upon Lazir, claiming that Lazir "shamed the KOR organization!" Without proof, Lazir won't apologize! Improper urging Lazir to go to IHQ, when he already TRIED, sacrificed 21-22 January 2008 from his busy TREE PLANTING schedule, just to accommodate the IHQ request, brought upon Lazir by Sir Pedro Rosito, in Cebu, 10 January 2008.

What did IHQ do? Nothing! They knew Lazir's whereabouts, cellphone #, those 2 days..., yet they NEVER confirmed which of the 2 days they want Lazir to personally appear at IHQ! IHQ's turn to confirm, if they were righteous as they claim! (Evidently not!)

Competence? No, IHQ didn't even give Lazir a phone call, nor the courtesy to tell him what date, time, where the meeting will take place! Apparently, the verdict of Sir Judge Arriesgado, retired Cebu Judge, that there's "nothing" to hold Lazir for, made IHQ decide to CANCEL the January meeting
with Lazir!

Clearly, IHQ's mistake, not Lazir's problem! Any claim to the contrary is TWISTING facts once more!


And again Samuela, using his lawyering skills, twisted FACTS and now claims Lazir brought "shame" upon the KOR? He forgot Esguerra whose job it is to run the KOR smoothly and IAW its Constitution & By-Laws, not catering to the whims and caprices of one man! Quiambao?

Is it not a shame to exalt a FAKE individual to KGOR, like Paras, who has the habit of sending fabricated reports to IHQ? Why was he not disciplined in 2007 (Sir Pedro Rosito whispered in Lazir's right ear that the Supreme Council decision was "EXPULSION" for Paras' PLAGIARISM of "Born to be a Hero" and Andres Bonifacio's "Huling Paalam" which Paras copied VERBATIM!)?

Did Quiambao STOP this Paras' expulsion? Is Paras the man who knows the number and sizes of skeletons in Quiambao's closet? Or is it Quiambao's gratitude paying back Paras for keeping Quiambao's son in Paras' Brussels home for many months?

But still, what is Rizalian about this gratitude that Paras gets petitioned (based upon FAKE data, like the P2Million that his boys claimed was "coordinated" by Paras to be donated to needy in Pinas!) in March 2001 to be exalted to KGOR, which Quiambao GRANTED in April 2001 in Florida?

Is it not scandalous that Paras' boys, who are UNDESERVING to even join KOR, are getting KGORs? What exemplary deeds did his boys: Guansing, Nollas, Alcoba, Palomar do for country or for the KOR, BASIC requirements stipulated in the KOR Manual, when exalting KGOR?


In short, how can Samuela, a lawyer, claim that Lazir "brought shame" upon the KOR without Samuela lying through his teeth, TWISTING facts/names, giving the blame upon Lazir, but looking far away when Quiambao exalted fake Paras or when Paras' UNDESERVING boys are getting KGORs from the Esguerra-led KOR!

What is there please for Lazir to RESPECT the Quiambao-Esguerra-Samuela triumvirate, calling them Sirs, when they trample and trod upon the good name and noble Legacy of the Great Malayan? For Lazir, addressing them by just their last names is sufficient! For Lazir, they DESERVE no "Sir" before their names, unlike others who do!

We may not forget that Sir Hilario Davide Jr ordered Paras to explain the plagiarism charges "WITHIN 24 HOURS", asked Sir Klaus Hartung for signed, notarized sworn statements to prove/subtanstiate the allegations against Paras, which Sir Klaus did!

Esguerra's claims that "investigations ongoing" or "no documents on hand" proved to be untrue, a lie of his! Can one see through this IHQ cover-up, as one thinks of Sir Pedro Rosito's whispered info that the 2007
Supreme Council "decision" was to expel Paras? If competent, Esguerra, the 2007 Supreme Commander, could have made the Paras expulsion public!

Why did he hold and/or hide this important decision? Are his hands HELD by Quiambao? Yet, when Sir Jun Zerrudo and Moreno got wrongly "expelled", Esguerra NEVER prevented these decisions from coming out! Far from it, the Moreno "decision" was like Ondoy, that (almost) FLOODED the internet!


Question: Who "shamed" the KOR organization?

Answer: Rogelio Quiambao, Virgilio Esguerra, Samuel Samuela..., or?

Definitely, not Lazir.


"Bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan sana ay...magalit?"


For country and people!


:)
Lazir

PAGC Chief Breaks Down Amid Allegations Of Nepotism, Corruption

By Paolo Romero (The Philippine Star)
Updated November 18, 2009
12:00 AM


MANILA, Philippines - Presidential Anti-Graft Commission (PAGC) chair Constancia de Guzman broke into tears yesterday while defending herself against accusations of nepotism and corruption and vowed to turn the tables on her accusers, who she said were disgruntled employees backed by dismissed government officials.

"I want to assure you I've never betrayed your trust," De Guzman said in between sobs.

De Guzman, in a news conference at the Palace, said President Arroyo dismissed her offer to resign when she sought a meeting with her sometime in September to request an investigation into the white paper that circulated and detailed her alleged wrongdoings in the department.

De Guzman was accused of hiring her son, his girlfriend, and a nephew in key posts in the PAGC.

"The effort by these people to malign me and the institution that I have embraced to serve is indeed causing grief not only within my immediate family, but also to my family of co-workers at the PAGC, the selfless, innocent and productive men and women who have been painstakingly giving their best in the interest of public service for an institution that highly requires an environment where the spirit of trust and confidence thrives," she read from a statement.

De Guzman said she would never compromise her position or "the integrity of the laws of this land against erring presidential appointees."

"I will never compromise my family's name. And I challenge those who are responsible for these baseless accusations to reveal themselves and present evidence," De Guzman said.

She said the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) and the Office of the President are separately investigating the matter, including the charges against her.

Many of the allegations, including having the agency's maintenance man work at her home and giving expensive blowouts, were totally untrue, while other issues were twisted to make it appear that she has committed graft, she noted.

"These allegations and speculations were intentionally packaged in such a way that it would anger people and give those who judge and do not verify facts a bum steer," De Guzman said in Filipino.

"I am willing to face any court of law and the court of God as I have always stood and will always stand by the truth," she said.

Press Secretary Cerge Remonde said De Guzman continues to enjoy the trust and confidence of the President.

"We all know that the fight against corruption is a very difficult one and anybody who will be fighting corruption in this country or anywhere else, is really going to meet serious opposition," Remonde said.

He said Mrs. Arroyo's designation of Deputy Executive Secretary Natividad Dizon to the PAGC had nothing to do with the controversy but was recommended several months back by De Guzman to fill the post vacated by Monico Jacob.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Who Is Funnier? Teachers or Police


TEACHERS:

These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the
New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, some of these are really funny!


1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.



2. I would not allow this student to breed.



3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.



4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.



5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.



6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingie to hold it all together.



7. This child has been working with glue too much.



8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.



9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.



10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.



11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.



12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.





Police:

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. Thank goodness, in spite of the perils of the job, they still have a sense of humor!


16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'



15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'



14. 'If you take your hands off the car,
I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'


13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'



12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?
Because that’s the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'


11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means

I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'


10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'


9. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket.'


8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'


7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides,
eat cotton candy and corn dogs.”


6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'



5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'



4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'



3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'



2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.’


AND THE WINNER IS.....

1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.' (In Calif. )


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Sniffer Dog and other healthy jokes for you

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man...

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled, the agent says: Watch this.' He tells Smithy to 'search'.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says: 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm.

The agent says, that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number for the police.' I like it!' says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again.

Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to shit all over the place.

The first man is really amazed by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent 'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replies, 'He just found a bomb.'


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"Coughing Is Not A Sickness"

Two women went to the movies, and one of them started to cough. Her friend leaned away from her. The more she coughed, the farther her friend tried to move away.

Finally, the cougher turned around to her friend and said, "Look, you don't have to move away like that. This is not a sickness."

Her friend replied, "Well, it isn't a wellness."


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"Never Forget Independence"

It is reported that several men of various nationalities were engaged in writing books on the elephant.

A German put out a three-volume tome replete with footnotes, entitled "A Short Introduction to the Study of the Elephant."

A Frenchman put out a slim and graceful book entitled "The Elephant and His Love Life."

An Englishman put out a heavily illustrated travel guide, entitled "Hunting Elephants in Deepest Africa."

A Jew published a fiery pamphlet entitled "The Elephant and Anti-Semitism."

And an American put out an advertising brochure, entitled "How to Raise Elephants in Your Backyard for Fun and Profit."


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"Hitchhiker"

A hitchhiker in the hills of Tennessee was picked up by a hillbilly who pulled a gun on him and ordered him to take a bottle of corn moonshine
from the glove compartment of the car.

"Drink it," the hillbilly ordered, waving the gun.

The hitchhiker took a swallow from the bottle, gasped, gulped, sobbed, blinked, wept, gagged, choked, shuddered, squirmed, and twitched.

"All right," the hillbilly said. "Now you take the gun and force me to take a drink."


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"HMO Humor"

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peterasked them to identify themselves.

One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You may enter."

The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter invited him into heaven, too.

The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in also."

But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You may stay for three days. After that you will go to hell!"


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"I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for."


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"Toothpaste"

Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in our community.

In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of their personalities.

Recently one woman was asked, "What's the 'strangest' thing you ever bought?"

She answered, "Dog toothpaste."

Next question, "What is the 'most common' thing people say to you?"

Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?


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"Time Sheets"

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!"

"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.

"Congratulations for what?!?!?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old."

"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I only lived to be forty."

"That's impossible," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."


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"Medical News"

A little known fact....

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that their brain could be also important ..


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What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

For Bird flu you need tweetment.

and for Swine flu you need oinkment.


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"My Yearly Exam"

Went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

The nurse starts with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh? she asks.

"135 lbs" I say.

The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 foot 4", I say.

The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5'2".

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I scream, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac. What a bitch.


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"Rescue"

A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over.
They were all shouting.

"Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up.

Mulla Nasrudin elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?"

"I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man.

"In that case," said Nasrudin, "take my hand!"

The man immediately grasped the Mulla's hand and was hauled to safety. Nasrudin turned to the amazed by-standers and declared, "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools!"


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"Ready To Find Jesus"

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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"The Last Six Months"

The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 months to live because of the terminal disease that was
detected during a recent physical check-up.

The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law."

Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"


Monday, November 16, 2009

PAGING DR. RIZAL IN BARCELONA


Fellow Knights all over the globe,

I wish I have the time and resources of Sir Lucien patiently tracking down Dr. Rizal' whereabouts in Europe that one author aptly described Rizal, "the wandering Jew".

The attachment that is ready to download is an attempt and hopefully there is something to gain for your weekend reading.

Jose Sison Luzadas
Delray Beach, FL

PAGING DR. RIZAL IN BARCELONA

Sir Fran Pulumbarit, KGOR, took this picture below when we were in Barcelona, Spain. The book on display is Leon Ma. Guerrero's award winning biography of Dr Rizal, "THE FIRST FILIPINO". I brought the book along when I joined a pilgrimage tour that includes Spain.

Incidentally, It was in Barcelona where Rizal wrote his first literary work in Spain, titled "Amor Patrio" meaning "love of country". It appeared in "DIARONG TAGALOG", Manila's daily using a pseudonym, "Laon Laan". When he moved to Madrid and joined the Freemasons, Rizal chose "DIMAS ALANG as his AKA name. His other alias he used writing articles for La Solidaridad is the pen name, "MAY PAGASA".

Jose Sison Luzadas, KGOR

Delray Beach, FL